First Brazilian: 2021 [Middle Aged Musing on Fun Adventures and Stuff]

The Brazilian - an Açaí Bowl at Cafe de Casa on Leavenworth

Note to reader:  My very good friend Darlene prepared today's swim report. This was her last swim with us before she returns to her sailing adventures. After Darlene's report, I elucidated slightly on the situation that unfolded while I was waiting for my Brazilian. 

Darlene's Swim Report

What can I say? It was such an amazing morning - the pink hues of sunrise over the bay and the city skyline; friends all around in the water - those of us who had set out together, and those we encountered on our way; and the crisp, cold waters of the bay.... 

Oh, wait - I know what else I can say. If you have ever wondered if there were a reason we don’t swim behind the boats on a flood, that would be a resounding yes! With the Thayer’s return yesterday, we thought it would be a fitting welcome to swing by and say hello and see how she looked. Well, we got an up-close and personal look! Let’s just say it was a think-skinny kind of day as we threaded our way between the boats and Hyde St Pier - definitely memorable (best not to be repeated, at least by me ;) ). We all made it through unscathed (including Steve who exited stage right just before the Thayer - he wisely decided there was simply no need :) ).  It certainly was lovely to see the Thayer back in her home port!

Exhibit 'A' - Bundled up in multiple layers

Following the swim, Neil, Steve, Michelle, Zach  and I enjoyed a Brazilian breakfast. Zach M left too early as he missed the highlight of the morning. As we relaxed over coffee, Neil decided to take relaxation to the next level. Michelle opined, “One might surmise that Neil actually fainted due to overheating in his 85-degree vest and 4 layers of clothing and heated hat and limited oxygen due to his face coverage.” (See Exhibit A (photo of Neil) to follow.) As he sat (in his defense, on a downhill slope), time appeared to come to a standstill, and Neil slooooowwwwwlllyyy just tipped over. Yep - just tipped over. Not a word was uttered, not even a peep. Neil just rode the fall gracefully right down to the pillow-like Leavenworth sidewalk. He lay there briefly, as Steve coined it, ROCNL. For those of you not familiar with the acronym, that stands for Rolling On Concrete Not Laughing. The bystander at whose feet Neil landed simply looked down and, in true SF millennial fashion, went back to looking at his phone. Being the caring friends we are, after confirming there were no injuries of note, we laughed uncontrollably as Neil righted himself and his chair and resumed enjoying his coffee.

Swim Framily, you are simply the best.

Neil's addendum to Darlene's report:

Thank you all for your concern. I'm fine, uninjured, humbled, but neither bruised nor battered. 

As you will note from exhibit 'B', the tables at Cafe de Casa now have extensions on the downhill side. These extensions stabilize the tables AND allow the tabletops to lie flat/level preventing our Brazilian delights from rolling off. Just prior to our food/coffee arriving, I repositioned my chair to keep the sun at my back. In doing so, my chair now sloped sideways (right to left vs. front to back) with the sidewalk. When I leaned slightly to my right, the donuts I consumed 102 hours ago redistributed my body weight predominantly to my right side - the very same right side that was now downhill. Lacking the core-strength to overcome this mighty-righty imbalance, I also lacked the instantaneous response time to offset the fulcrum between my new center of gravity and the balance point on my chair. 

Exhibit 'B' - The table leg extensions

As I felt my chair lose its footing, I knew I was going down. Time shifted to slow motion. My mind flashed back to my last cycling crash when I broke my collarbone. I thought, there’s not a chance that’s going to happen today. I then replayed all the spy stories I recently read where the assassin escapes from the speeding car by jumping out and then rolling onto the sidewalk, uninjured. Finally, I realized, I’m wearing four thick layers of clothing, a heated hat, a hood, and most importantly, my UGGs. The UGGs would be my saving grace. And they were. As the pavement approached, I knew my Leavenworth landing would be softened by my clothing and my ability to roll to absorb the impact. Miraculously, the UGGs magically rotated my body 90 degrees to my side. As I closed in on the sidewalk, the millennial merely looked up, yet failed to step aside leaving no room for my planned roll. Although I would hit the ground with a thump, the extra layers would bear the brunt of the impact so I set my intention for the fall to be a pleasant one. At this point, my mind was in control, and my body merely along for the ride. 

I could not have been more pleased to see my breakfast companions laughing in delight at I lay on the sidewalk at the feet of the millennial. 

As my kids would later tell me, they weren’t necessarily laughing ‘with’ me...

Guest Author: Darlene