Fear (n) [Unicorns and Jellyfish]
Fear has been showing up a lot for me lately. I’ve watched others experience fear, I over heard partners end a relationship because of fear and I’ve felt fear so strongly that my stomach ties in knots. In each of those three examples fear was handled differently. And, I guess, that’s how fear works; differently. Does it define you? Does it stop you in your tracks? Are you letting it consume you from the inside out?
Since moving to California, I’ve joined a new swim group out of Laguna Beach. We swim out of a protected cove with lots of wildlife, rock reefs and unpredictable swells. It makes each swim unique in that the conditions vary greatly. It’s the perfect spot to train for my big swims and forces me out of my comfort zone. Even from my very first day, I’m usually one of the first people in the water. Rain, cold, tough surf, wild life, I just go. Does that make me brave? I don’t think it does.
I’ve stood and watched as swimmers hesitate to enter the ocean in rough seas or slow down in the impact zone while exiting. I see them physically let fear stop them in their tracks. Some snap out of it and get out of the way in a flight response and some just watch open eyed, engulfed in fear as the wave crashes over them, taking them down flipping and tossing them head over heal over hip. When they finally emerge, instead of getting out of the way of the next set, they just sit there in shock, gasping for air. More often than not, a second wave will take them under. It’s interesting to watch those types of people. It’s almost as if the presence of fear is a STOP sign for them. Go no further. Do not pass GO, no $200 for you.
I’ll admit, it’s hard for me to understand people who let fear paralyze them. I try to encourage others to push past their fears, but sometimes it’s really frustrating. Since I’ve become more aware of fear I hear it rear it’s ugly little head everywhere. Just this morning I stood back to watch and listen to a woman almost literally talk herself out of going into the water. I swam at 6am with a group of about 7 swimmers. We had just exited the water and were all raving about what a great swim we just had, how wonderful the temperature felt, how clear the water was and how many fish we saw. It really was a beautiful morning. However, the winds were blowing SE which creates some choppy surface texture. To be honest, it wasn’t that bad. The currents weren’t strong today at all, it was just a little wind and choppy water.
But boy oh boy was this woman bitching. She was afraid of the texture. She was afraid of the sharks. She had to wear her wet suit to stay warm. She kept going on and on about all of the reasons not to swim. She talked to 3 or 4 different people with all the same concerns and no one fed into her fear. We all just kept saying how wonderful the swim was and encouraged her to give it a try. “Go out to the buoy and back, give it a try.” She had so much self doubt, I felt bad for her. I packed up and left with my pod for coffee so I’m not sure if she got in and swam. But I hope she did. I hope she got to see how beautiful it was out there today.
The truth is that I am actually afraid. I’m afraid of big surf because I’ve been tossed my fair share of times by big powerful waves. I’m afraid of rip tides because I’ve been caught in one in Cozumel, Mexico and almost didn’t make it back in to shore. I’ve been caught in currents that threw me into the rocks and even swam into a reef zone in high winds and been cut up by sharp coral. I am afraid. Sometimes I let my fears come to the surface but I don’t let them hold me back. I take my fears and I examine why they’re fears. My past experiences are like lessons. What did I learn from getting tossed by big waves? What did I learn about rip tides? What did I learn from getting reefed? How can I apply these lessons in future?
This is where the power of the mind comes in to play. I take all of the lessons I’ve learned from some scary situations and I mold them into tools. So the next time I’m afraid, or unsure I can reach into my tool box and find the courage to keep going. If we’re not constantly learning and sharpening our tools, how do we evolve? How do we become better? I like to literally imagine myself opening my tool box in my mind whenever I need them. It’s my way of taking a moment to breathe and think clearly.
So fear has been showing up a lot lately, but I’m glad for it. I’m growing. I’m learning.