Could Colson Montgomery’s back pain relieve a pain in other body parts for the White Sox?

Perhaps it’s a hint from the baseball gods

As of this writing, Colson Montgomery has been out of action for more than a week because of back spasms the team says are a minor problem. Maybe the team didn’t bother to check its own minor league notes from 2023, when Montgomery’s back pain caused him to miss a good chunk of the season.

The back problem is obviously bad news. Bad news for now, that is — but maybe it could lead to at least one improved situation in the near future.

After all, much as Colson and the White Sox claim he’s the once and future shortstop for the team, the very knowledgeable Keith Law says all the scouts with whom he’s spoken say Montgomery just can’t play short on a major league level. Often that means a young player with limited range and such moves over to third base, but there’s a problem with that.

Third base is not where you move in order to alleviate back problems. It’s where you move to make back problems worse, often much worse. Just ask Yoán Moncada. Or Joe Crede.

The Sox have a dilemma.

So what’s the solution?

The answer lies with two superstars in the annals of baseball lore, two guys name Bud and Lou. It just requires a small adjustment from “Who’s on first?” to “Colson’s on first.”

Yep — a potentially mediocre-at-best shortstop could quickly become an excellent defensive first baseman. It’s not like there’s anybody worth a defensive damn playing there now, either.

Andrew Vaughn grades out as among the very worst first basemen in MLB. First basemen are often not great with the glove, but he’s just horrible. Sure, among the two or three first basemen who score as low as he does at runs saved and such are Vladimir Guerrero Jr. and Pete Alonso, but those guys hit a tad better. Vaughn has shown for four years that he’s a slightly below-average batter, which is fine for a catcher or middle infielder but woeful for a first baseman.

Replace Vaughn with Montgomery, or at least make Montgomery the long end of a platoon, and the D Sox brass love to talk about immediately improves.

Will it make the White Sox good at fielding? Of course not. But you have to start somewhere — it’s like the old Jules Feiffer cartoon about improving television by starting with quality station ID’s. First base could become the White Sox station ID.

It better, because the rest of the situation is pretty hopeless, especially once Luis Robert Jr. gets traded.

How hopeless, you ask?

Woeful.

Spring Training stats are generally meaningless, and the White Sox better hope that’s the case this year. Otherwise, it’s play guys who can catch and throw the ball and at least make the game less painful to watch, or guys who can hit the ball on occasion but just watch it go by when they’re in the field.

Take the top hitters this spring ... please. With the exception of Robert, who sports a 1.186 OPS, and who we know can catch the ball, there’s ... very little.

Other Sox with 10 or more at-bats this spring with an OPS of more than 1.000 include Brandon Drury, the 34-year-old who is no part of the Sox future and who always hit well until 2024, and a utility type who is a Brandon of all positions and master of none, with negative dWAR and defensive suns saved at every position; Lenyn Sosa, whose stone hands Sox fans have witnessed all too often; and Nick Maton, a solid hitter who makes Andrew Benintendi look like Carl Yastrzemski in left.

Also with solid OPS stats are Andrew Lipcius, who’s hitting .182 but has a homer, and Tristan Gray, hitting .273 with an .886 OPS, but who hit .107 for Oakland and Miami last year.

Gray gets solid fielding marks at third, though, so maybe the corner could be handled OK defensively when he’s in. Sosa or Drury is apt to play second, just close your eyes when one of them is in. Chase Meidroth seems to be getting a long look at short and may end up there despite scouting reports that say he’s slow and has a below-average arm and fielding ability, which are not good indicators of shortstop prowess. Somebody has to stand there, though, and the only decent defensive shortstop for the Sox last year, Jacob Amaya, is again showing he can’t hit a ball off a T, going 1-for-14 so far.

There’s always Brooks Baldwin to fill in, but he’s really more a second baseman, besides which he’s been out hurt and unable to show whether he’s a better hitter than his 2024 .566 OPS indicated.

Right field? Don’t ask. Some can field (Dominic Fletcher), some can hit at least a little (Oscar Colás, on occasion), but doing both? Fuggedaboudit.

Catcher? Feel free to ask, but their skills are less visible to fans. Well, except in the case of watching Zach Collins race back to the screen after missing every third pitch.

So first base has to be the start?

Yep, just like Feiffer’s station ID. And the Sox would owe the big breakthrough to Colson Montgomery’s back spasms.