Columbine shooting survivor who became face of massacre tells how she still lives with pain every day 20 years on
THE picture shocked the world – a young girl lying bleeding and helpless outside her school – shot down in cold blood by a classmate.
The photo appeared on the front of newspapers and TV news – and Kacey Ruegsegger Johnson became the unwitting face of what became America’s most notorious school shooting- at Columbine High School, Colorado.
Twenty years later, Kacey, 36, who almost bled to death after having her shoulder blasted off is now a happily married mum-of-four but still lives with pain from her injuries – a daily reminder of the horrors she miraculously survived.
Tragically, 12 other students and one teacher were not so lucky – they were shot dead by evil pair Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris, who killed themselves following the senseless April 20th, 1999 massacre.
While Kacey’s arm still has limited function, she is grateful for what she calls a “second chance at life” and has now written a book which she hopes will inspire people facing adversity.
Recalling the day of the shooting, Kacey told how she usually went home for lunch with her friend – but when she couldn’t find her pal she made the fateful choice to spend her break in the school library.
‘They started shooting and yelling’
“It was the only day that year that I stayed at the school for lunch. I went to the library, and started reading a gossip magazine,” she told Sun Online.
“Shortly after, the teacher came running in, yelling at us to get under the tables and keep our heads under the tables.
“There were boys outside with guns and it was very clear from the panic in her voice this was real – not pretend or a joke. And so I ran to where there was two little cubicles under a long computer table.
“I hid and pulled the chair in next to me thinking that I had this really great hiding spot. Then the boys came in and started shooting, started yelling.
“This really heavy, dark feeling came over me as they came into the library and started shooting.
“I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach just pure fear and the terror. Then an actual slideshow of my life started going through my mind.
“You know how people say your life flashes before you – well it really did.
‘I knew my turn was coming’
“I turned around because I felt this hand on my back. I turned around and there was nobody there, but I still felt the hand on the back. And at that moment is when I knew I was going to be shot.
“I didn’t know if I was going to live or die, but I knew that my turn was coming. Sure enough, moments later I turned around and one of the shooters was crouched down to shoot a boy who had hidden in the spot behind me and I knew I would be next.
“So I turned around plugged my ears because he was so close. I heard the shot that hit me and it threw me forward, knocked the wind out of my lungs which made me made me make a noise and the shooter told me to ‘quit your bitching’.
“I thought he would shoot me again if he didn’t believe I was already dead. So I played dead, I closed my eyes and quit breathing.”
‘This is your day to die’
Kacey recalls how the callous pair shot indiscriminately through the library – taunting their victims as they carried out their deadly shooting spree.
She remembers loosing so much blood she could feel it rising over her fingers – and then the shooters left.
Fellow student Craig Scott, who earlier told Sun Online how he’s since helped to halt 12 other school shootings [ADD LINK TO OTHER STORY], shouted at everyone to leave and managed to help Kacey up and out of the library to safety.
“The shooters were saying things ‘this is your day to die’ ‘Everybody get up’ and ‘we’re going to blow up this whole library’, ‘If you’re not going to get up, we’ll come find you’.” Kacey said.
“I remember them yelling a racial slur. I actually remember them having like a good time, like they had command of the room just like they wanted to.
“When they left, Craig helped me escape and I remember hiding behind a police car. My throat was swelling and I was losing a lot of blood. I remember a stranger getting me a drink of water from a hose.
“I remember a man talking to my mom on the phone but I knew if I spoke to her I would break down and I had to be strong if I wanted to survive.
“So he told her that I couldn’t talk – which must have been awful for her to hear – she was so worried.”
Kacey was rushed to hospital where doctors managed to stabilise her but became concerned she’d lose her arm, after her shoulder had “turned to dust” with the impact of the shotgun blast.
Kacey’s parents Greg and Darcey revealed how they thought they would lose their daughter – and even the surgeons were surprised Kacey survived such a traumatic injury.
“We didn’t know what to expect – we thought the worst after the man on the phone said Kacey could’t talk,” Greg said.
“When we got to the emergency room and walked into the room we saw Kacey lying on a gurney there was blood everywhere.
“I walked up and said ‘Kacey what happened? And she said ‘Daddy, I got shot’. And that’s when she started to cry for the first time.
“I remember Darcey was dealing with the medical side of things, trying to find doctors who could save her arm – and I stayed the night in a chair next to her.
“She was terrified. She was drugged up and every so often she’d doze off and then she’d wake up asking ‘Daddy, are you there?’
“I’d say ‘Yeah, I’m here’. And this happened all through the night.
“She was terrified the shooters would return to finish her off – there was rumours there was a third shooter and it scared her.
“I think the second day of male nurse showed up and she said, ‘Daddy, I don’t want a male nurse. I do not want a man’. Just men in general scared.
“And when we got home it was like having a baby again – if she was in one room on the couch and I went to the kitchen, she would say, ‘Daddy, where are you?’ She could not be alone – she slept by our bed.
“She was totally fractured both physically and mentally.”
‘I was living in fear’
Eventually Kacey’s mother found a surgeon who performed a cutting edge surgery using a cadaver bone to repair her arm and shoulder.
Kacey faced a long road to recovery and as well as immense physical pain, she was crippled with anxiety and emotional pain.
“Initially the PTSD was so severe I couldn’t leave the house – I was sleeping on the floor in my parents’ bedroom,” she said.
“I was on seriously heavy narcotics and sleeping pills to try and get me any amount of rest because my mind would never turn off.
“And I spent a lot of years like that. And it finally came to a point when I realised all the fear that I was living in gave those shooters exactly what they wanted. I remember in one of the videos they made they said they wanted to haunt our nightmares forever and that’s what they were doing to me and they weren’t even alive.
And I was done with that. So I made a decision not to live in fear. I had been given a second chance at living this beautiful life, a chance that several of my classmates didn’t get to have.
‘I live with pain every day’
“I still live with pain every day – it’s just something I’ve got used to living with. But I have gained a lot of positives out of this awful situation. I have this perspective on life that I don’t take a lot for granted. I really do appreciate every day that I’m given.
“And especially as a mom, I feel like I try to soak up all the moments with my kids – and the mornings before I take them to school are really important to me because there’s no promise that I’m going to get them back at the end of the day.
“And the other good thing is I’ve just unexpectedly found this path to encouraging others. It gives a lot of meaning to my suffering when I see somebody else who’s encouraged just because I’ve shared my story with them.”’
‘We worry about when the next shooting will happen’
Kacey’s parents say they are “immensely proud” of how much their daughter has achieved over the past 20 years.
While Kacey now lives in North Carolina, Darcey and Gregg still live in the same Denver community, which they say is still reeling from the tragedy.
Darcey said: “It doesn’t matter where we go in the country and we’ve travelled a lot – everybody knows Columbine.
“And they all have opinions about it and they all tell you where they were that day and what they were doing.
“It’s a very present thing still here. All the families dealt with it differently. Parents who lost her kids have been dealing with whole different things than we were and they have dealt with it in a lot of different ways.
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“Some went the gun control route. Some parents are very angry and still are. Others are very private and don’t talk about it at all.
“There’s certainly a sense in the community that we’re all part of what happened. And we’ve had other events here at other high schools where this has happened again.
“You know, we all worry about when’s the next one is going to happen. Because it’s going to happen.”
For more information on Kacey’s book go to her website.