Mariners Reacts Survey: Rowdy Tellez, Real or Fake?
Excerpts from the Seattle Scientific JournaLL
Wild Rowdy Tellez Spotted in the Toronto Area
Dear readers, I have some quite shocking news for you. Those of you who are sensitive or underage should feel free to stop reading now.
A wild Rowdy Tellez has been spotted in the wilds of Toronto, Canada. Yes, you heard that right, a wild, unruly, destructive Rowdy Tellez (Adultus filius magna) was spotted. Little is known about this elusive creature, typically native to the woods around Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, or the swamps and flatlands of Sacramento, California. Recent habitat destruction and human activity have driven the wild Tellez to the Pacific Northwest. The wild Tellez has now crossed the continent again to Toronto and begun to hunt the local Blue Jay population. The Tellez appeared to find much success in three days, striking the local Blue Jays three days in a row. Local scientists think the Tellez will move south next into the Boston region; many believe it may be able to keep up this path of destruction all the way through to October. Others disagree; weigh in via the survey and comments below.
The Effect of Extreme Heat on Baseball Bats
By Dr. Randy Arozarena
In related news, noted Mexican scientist Randy Arozarena, a leading expert on the Tellez phenomenon, has had one of his major experiments peer-reviewed. Professor Arrozarena has been testing the effect of extreme heat on baseball bats and the subsequent effect on the ball, often to great success. Fellow scholars across the country agree and back Professor Arozarena’s thesis.
The Study of large diameter wood in experimentation with leather-covered balls over long distances
By Dr. Cal Raleigh, Professor of Physics Over Great Distances, University of Washington
In other news, Dr. Raleigh of the University of Washington has recently begun to publish his latest findings in The Study of Large Diameter Wood in Experimentation with Leather Covered Balls over Long Distances (Raleigh, Judge, Soderstrom et al.). Dr. Raleigh has found that the larger diameter wood results in a much longer distance, and repeated testing backs up his hypothesis. Though there is the question of whether the craftsman may be better than his tools, Dr. Raleigh has not yet controlled whether this success can be replicated with a different individual conducting the experiments. We called on scientists and researchers from around the country to peer review the experiment; We have the results below:
They have concluded that much of the success is due to Dr. Raleigh rather than the diameter of the wood. It will be interesting to see how this experiment progresses over the year.
Testing the effect of swapping the leading mammal of a troop for a similar alternative
Unfortunately, Dr. Robles has been indisposed, but Professor Dylan Moore has picked up his latest tests and experiments. Moore continues to lead on the effects of swapping the leading mammal of a troop for a similar alternative. The results so far have been surprising, as the new mammals have been able to fill in for the previous ones sufficiently. An improvement, depending on what you value. Now the question becomes, should the switch become the new norm, or should they be switched back after a suitable amount of time? Drs. Robles and Moore have failed to account for this, and as a result, we find ourselves reaching out to you, researchers, and scientists across the country in support of reaching a conclusion. Please respond via the survey and comments below.
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