‘Twas the Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, on the corner of Edgar and Dave

Los Bomberos are warming to get another save

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

They’re Nike and see-through, the players brave to wear

The children were nestled all snug in their beds;

With visions of Buhner and Dumper with bald heads;

And mamma made her purchase, a new mariners cap,

Had just settled down to read a Lookout Landing recap

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

It was Luis Castillo?!? What’s he doing as a batter???

Off of third base Julio jumped like a flash

And was promptly tagged out as I gave out a gasp

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,

Starting pitchers: 7innnings 2earned runs many times in a row

When what to my wondering eyes did appear,

a salmon race? Is that new this year?

With a little old salmon so lively and quick,

Definitely not Humpy, who runs like he’s sick

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,

And we whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:

Now, sockeye! now, Silver! now Humpy and King!

Anything to distract us from Josh Rojas’ swing

To the top of the standings! to the top of the west!

Now dash away! dash away! That lead they possessed!

As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

So to go Servais, unnecessary fall-guy

So up to the housetop the coursers they flew

Including the 1000th M’s player Kirby Sneed , not Woo.

And then, in a twinkling, flying off of the roof

Are glizzys in a wrapper that is somewhat heatproof

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,

Down the chimney St. Justin came with a bound.

He was face was all in fur, from his ears to his chin

And he wore a big guard which protected his shin;

A streak of pine tar stained his back,

And he looked like Edgar glad our hitting coach is back

Robles—how he twinkled! his great plays they were many

After his first Gold Glove Cal will fetch a pretty penny

A droll little mouth loved to say "Hey now!"

That’s Dave Sims with the Yankees let’s all say "ciao"

The slump of France led to his DFA,

With no other plan who at first will they play?

Let’s hope it’s someone with a little round belly

Who swats with a boomstick, can we bring back Nelly?

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

Now a consultant for MLB done quite well for himself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head

Railey ties the game with a bunt! As I headed to bed

Dan spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

Servias’ fridge already filled with milk as a perk

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

M’s hopefully picked up a star, in Randy Aroz

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

A prayer for these pitchers, that their arms don’t turn to gristle

But I heard John exclaim, on the Mitt Meeting Chats

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all MACDOUGALL BATS!"