Imagine being proud of beating the 2024 White Sox

In a not-so-classic Crosstown, the South Siders still maintain a superior record overall against the Cubs

Welcome to the second Crosstown Classic of the 2024 season, Chicago. You’ll find your respective sections of postgame coverage below, divided into sections for South Sider or North Sider.

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White Sox Fan Section

The 2024 White Sox season has been the most onerous any living White Sox fan has ever endured. But even after a loss last night, an entire city of South Side fans felt their faith resurrected. A team they resolved to hate-watch, depression-watch, or cope-watch had their hopes rejuvenated by enchanting interim skipper Grady Sizemore and his practical lineup, encouraging words, and excitement for the game.

White Sox fans who’ve been around a while know that all signs point to Jerry Reinsdorf as the source of this team falling from grace. In a few short seasons, the South Siders went from a team of heavy hitters celebrating a postseason to potentially the worst team in baseball history.

After a marathon from hell, racing to the bottom of the utter depths of Suck City, the White Sox spontaneously reanimated. The South Siders have looked like an entirely different team for the two days that iSizemore has been at the helm, so maybe Pedro Grifol did deserve a lot of the flack.

Stats don’t lie. Playing for the Chicago White Sox under Pedro Grifol was soul-sucking.

The reinvigoration of the White Sox offense under fresh management has raised a lot of eyebrows, causing the organization to make other changes based on feedback from fans.

Earlier today, new play-by-play announcer Juan Griffin accepted the job after violently polarizing John Schriffen was let go. Something is off about this guy, but I can’t put my finger on what. Maybe we’ll figure it out during our next regional broadcast.

The White Sox came into tonight with a lifetime MLB record of 74-71 against the Cubs (and an outrageous advantage in the postseason and City Series play), and a stadium full of reanimated fans showing up in a way they haven’t for months. When a manager doesn’t believe in the team, is bored to death, or brings absolutely nothing but a robotic, canned response to every question thrown his way, a nice guy who loves baseball feels like the greatest gift. The fans feel it, too.

The passion for #TeamGrady swelled tonight, as leadoff man Lenyn Sosa defied fate and got a base hit after being five for his last 39. Miguel Vargas came back to life in the second with a hit that Nico Hoerner bobbled, breaking a streak of 70 straight games without an error for a Cubs shortstop or second baseman.

A Korey Lee base hit, followed by a Corey Julks fielder’s choice and a mother of a hustle to get him safe at first, would set up Brooks Baldwin.

Baldwin blooped the ball to left-center and Ian Happ tried to grab it, clumsily falling onto the grass as the ball rolled off the edge of his mitt. The White Sox were ahead, 1-0. Way too many times this season, the South Siders have led deep into a game, only to careen unceremoniously due to an absent offense, an exhausted bullpen, a deranged skipper, or all of the above. Without 10 insurance runs, White Sox fans know to keep their guard up.

The third inning saw some distressing pitches from Chris Flexen, threatening to take away the White Sox lead. Michael Busch hit a two-out double, before Flexen walked Cody Bellinger and Isaac Paredes for some dreaded packed sacks. Surprising everyone, Flexen pitched out of the jam — something that’s rarely occurred this season.

Jared Shuster came in to relieve Flexen in the fifth and immediately gave up a base hit to Bellinger before some Little League shit went down. Forgiven-for-his-sins Andrew Benintendi, the much-maligned noodle-arm/tomato boy, had his labels revoked since yesterday. Last night, sleeper agent Benny was launching rockets with his arm, causing fans to do a double-take. Tonight, Benny grabbed a hard shot to left off the bat of Paredes, and threw to Baldwin, his cut-off man. Unfortunately, good ol’ Brooksy boy is still a greenhorn and didn’t even attempt to throw home. Bellinger absolutely booked it and tied the game for the Cubs, who definitely shouldn’t have scored. Baldwin later admitted the loudness of the crowd prevented him from hearing teammates imploring him to throw home ... weak, but plausible, given the White Sox have not and will not in Baldwin’s team tenure encounter many more of these large and loud crowds.

In the sixth, Olympic gold medalist and Chicago Red Stars star Mallory Swanson’s husband recorded his 1,000th career hit, on the same day his wife won a gold medal. No score happened as a result, but good for them.

When you think of “Classic 2024 White Sox,” the interminable laundry list of blown saves will surely spring to mind. Enter reliever Chad Kuhl, who fucked things up in the eighth when he walked Hoerner and gave up an infield hit to Dansby Swanson. Pete Crow-Armstrong laid down a sacrifice bunt, allowing Miguel Amaya to take advantage with a two-run single. Then advantageous Ian Happ smoked a ball one millimeter past the umpire and into right-center, and Kuhl was sent back to the naughty pen where he belongs. Bad Chad. Naughty Chad.

In team-still-in-the-running-for-playoffs fashion, Dominic Leone came in for the White Sox and pitched out of the mess, leaving the score at 3-1.

In the bottom of the ninth, a fan fell from the stands and onto the field. Maybe you thought it would have been some Cubs neckbeard who fell after drunkenly doing the wave and getting knocked onto the field by a immense cup snake.

Nope, it was a South Sider.

In the bottom of the ninth, Baldwin hit a chopper to Busch, who flipped it over to reliever Héctor Neris; Neris dropped it before touching the bag, rendering Baldwin safe. But it didn’t matter. The White Sox got swept by the Cubs for the second time this season, but both series were two games each, so, meh.

The only thing to do now is to celebrate this momentous occasion with the Cubs by ordering your very own custom-made apparel.

All proceeds from these shirts go directly to the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

The White Sox aren’t the worst team in MLB history...yet. There’s still a lot of time left to get there.

Or, if you’d like to celebrate the White Sox in all their glory, you can also order this shirt for their next victory, whenever that will occur.

Despite this miserable loss, we’re still #TeamGrady.

And I know you think you’ve won bigly, Cubs, but nice try, You’ll have to win three more games against the White Sox in order to get a lifetime MLB winning record in the Crosstown Classic. Overcoming the White Sox in all-time, head-to-head competition? The end of the Earth will come faster. Sucks to suck.

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Cubs Fan Section

Disclaimer: There are some Cubs fans who know, understand, and even love baseball. I swear, they do exist, as some are my dear friends, so I have proof. Last time I covered the Crosstown Classic, I angered some knowledgeable Cubs fans. I shouldn’t have treated those people like they’re idiots. However, this part of the game coverage was written specially for the average Cubs fan.

Baseball is a game played outside on a field with grass and dirt. Two teams take turns hitting a ball with a wooden stick and running around four bases arranged in a diamond shape. The team that scores the most runs by hitting the ball and running around all the bases wins the game!

The batter stands next to home plate in an imaginary space called “the batter’s box” and tries to hit the ball thrown by the pitcher. If the batter hits the ball, they can try to run around the bases. The other team tries to catch the ball and get the batter out before they can run to all the bases.

If the batter runs around all four bases and gets back to home plate, they score a run! But if the other team catches the ball before the batter can run, or if they tag the batter with the ball while they’re running, the batter is out.

A batter can hit the ball with the bat outside of the field, and this is called a “home run.” With a home run, all base runners score, including the hitter of the home run.

If the ball is thrown outside of the imaginary square within the batter’s box, the pitch is called a “ball.” A “ball” call is different from the ball used to play the game of baseball. If the ball is thrown for a “ball” four times, the batter is “walked” and proceeds to take a base. If there are already runners on base, those runners advance.

The team that scores the most runs by the end of the game wins!

Tonight, the Chicago Cubs (that’s your team!) traveled to the South Side to play the Chicago White Sox. Let’s break down what happened in the game!

Let’s play ball! (Not “ball,” but ball!)

Tonight, Chris Flexen threw the ball to the batters on the Cubs. Justin Steele threw the ball to the batters on the White Sox.

Before the game, I made a delivery order from Big Star, my favorite taco place on the North Side that’s across the street from your home field. It made some Cubs fans pretty angry when I talked about Big Star during the last Crosstown, so I’ll just show you a picture.

OK, time for a ball game! (Not a “ball” game, but a ball game.)

1st inning: Ian Happ walks. Michael Busch flies out to center fielder Luis Robert Jr. 1 Out. Seiya Suzuki pops out to second baseman Lenyn Sosa. 2 Outs. Cody Bellinger walks. Ian Happ to 2nd. Isaac Paredes flies out to center fielder Luis Robert Jr. 3 Outs.

Bottom of the 1st: Lenyn Sosa singles on a ground ball to right fielder Seiya Suzuki. Luis Robert Jr. strikes out swinging. 1 Out. Andrew Benintendi strikes out swinging. 2 Outs. Andrew Vaughn walks. Lenyn Sosa to 2nd. Gavin Sheets strikes out swinging. 3 Outs.

2nd inning: Nico Hoerner singles on a line drive to right fielder Corey Julks. Dansby Swanson flies out to left fielder Andrew Benintendi. 1 Out. Pete Crow-Armstrong flies out to left fielder Andrew Benintendi. 2 Outs. Miguel Amaya lines out sharply to center fielder Luis Robert Jr. 3 Outs.

Bottom of the 2nd: Miguel Vargas reaches on a fielding error by second baseman Nico Hoerner. Korey Lee singles on a sharp line drive to left fielder Ian Happ. Miguel Vargas to 2nd. Corey Julks grounds into a force out, third baseman Isaac Paredes to second baseman Nico Hoerner. Miguel Vargas to 3rd. Korey Lee out at 2nd. Corey Julks to 1st. 1 Out. Brooks Baldwin singles on a line drive to left fielder Ian Happ. Miguel Vargas scores. Corey Julks to 2nd. Lenyn Sosa strikes out swinging. 2 Outs. Luis Robert Jr. lines out sharply to center fielder Pete Crow-Armstrong. 3 Outs.

Chicago Cubs: 0
Chicago White Sox: 1

3rd inning: Ian Happ flies out to right fielder Corey Julks. 1 Out. Michael Busch hits a ground-rule double on a line drive down the right-field line. A ground-rule double is a two-base hit awarded by the umpire that results from hitting into a special situation, such as over a fence (out of bounds) or into the ivy, if you’re across the street from Big Star. Seiya Suzuki flies out to right fielder Corey Julks. 2 Outs. Cody Bellinger walks. Isaac Paredes walks. Michael Busch to 3rd. Cody Bellinger to 2nd. Nico Hoerner flies out to center fielder Luis Robert Jr. 3 Outs.

Bottom of the 3rd: Andrew Benintendi strikes out swinging. 1 Out. Andrew Vaughn singles on a ground ball to right fielder Seiya Suzuki. Gavin Sheets lines out to center fielder Pete Crow-Armstrong. 2 Outs. Miguel Vargas grounds out, second baseman Nico Hoerner to first baseman Michael Busch. 3 Outs.

4th inning: Dansby Swanson grounds out, first baseman Andrew Vaughn to pitcher Chris Flexen. 1 Out. Pete Crow-Armstrong flies out to center fielder Luis Robert Jr. 2 Outs. Miguel Amaya doubles on a sharp line drive to left fielder Andrew Benintendi. Ian Happ strikes out swinging. 3 Outs.

Bottom of the 4th: Korey Lee singles on a line drive to center fielder Pete Crow-Armstrong. Corey Julks singles on a line drive to left fielder Ian Happ. Korey Lee to 2nd. Brooks Baldwin strikes out on a foul tip. 1 Out. Lenyn Sosa flies out to right fielder Seiya Suzuki. Korey Lee to 3rd. 2 Outs. Corey Julks steals 2nd base. Luis Robert Jr. strikes out swinging. 3 Outs.

5th inning: Pitching Change: Jared Shuster replaces Chris Flexen. Jared Shuster is a relief pitcher. A relief pitcher is called in to throw the ball in the game when the pitcher who started the game is not pitching up to their potential, or just gets tired. Michael Busch called out on strikes. 1 Out. Seiya Suzuki flies out to right fielder Corey Julks in foul territory. 2 Outs. Cody Bellinger singles on a ground ball to center fielder Luis Robert Jr. Isaac Paredes doubles (22) on a sharp line drive to left fielder Andrew Benintendi. Cody Bellinger scores. Nico Hoerner lines out to center fielder Luis Robert Jr. 3 Outs.

Chicago Cubs: 1
Chicago White Sox: 1

Bottom of the 5th: Andrew Benintendi grounds out, second baseman Nico Hoerner to first baseman Michael Busch. 1 Out. Andrew Vaughn flies out to right fielder Seiya Suzuki. 2 Outs. Gavin Sheets strikes out swinging. 3 Outs. This was the first 1-2-3 inning of the game, and that means that the batters were all retired and no one reached base. So the score remains the same.

6th inning: Dansby Swanson singles on a line drive to center fielder Luis Robert Jr. This is Dansby Swanson’s 1,000th hit of his career. That is significant for a baseball player. Pete Crow-Armstrong flies out to center fielder Luis Robert Jr. 1 Out. Miguel Amaya flies out to right fielder Corey Julks. 2 Outs. Ian Happ flies out to center fielder Luis Robert Jr. 3 Outs.

Bottom of the 6th: Miguel Vargas walks. Korey Lee lines out to right fielder Seiya Suzuki. 1 Out. Corey Julks pops out to second baseman Nico Hoerner. 2 Outs. Brooks Baldwin pops out to third baseman Isaac Paredes in foul territory. 3 Outs.

7th inning: Pitching Change: Justin Anderson replaces Jared Shuster. Michael Busch walks. Seiya Suzuki flies out to second baseman Lenyn Sosa. 1 Out. Cody Bellinger grounds out, pitcher Justin Anderson to first baseman Andrew Vaughn. Isaac Paredes flies out to left fielder Andrew Benintendi. 3 Outs.

Bottom of the 7th: Pitching Change: Porter Hodge replaces Justin Steele. Lenyn Sosa grounds out, second baseman Nico Hoerner to first baseman Michael Busch. 1 Out. Luis Robert Jr. strikes out swinging. 2 Outs. Andrew Benintendi lines out to second baseman Nico Hoerner. 3 Outs.

8th inning: Pitching Change: Chad Kuhl replaces Justin Anderson. Nico Hoerner walks. Dansby Swanson singles on a ground ball to third baseman Miguel Vargas. Nico Hoerner to 2nd. Pete Crow-Armstrong out on a sacrifice bunt, third baseman Miguel Vargas to second baseman Lenyn Sosa. Nico Hoerner to 3rd. Dansby Swanson to 2nd. 1 Out. Miguel Amaya singles on a line drive to left fielder Andrew Benintendi. Nico Hoerner scores. Dansby Swanson scores. Ian Happ singles on a ground ball to center fielder Luis Robert Jr. Miguel Amaya to 3rd. Michael Busch reaches on a fielder’s choice out, second baseman Lenyn Sosa to catcher Korey Lee. Miguel Amaya out at home. Ian Happ to 2nd. 2 Outs. Pitching Change: Dominic Leone replaces Chad Kuhl. Seiya Suzuki strikes out on a foul tip. 3 Outs.

Chicago Cubs: 3
Chicago White Sox: 1

Bottom of the 8th: Pitching Change: Jorge López replaces Porter Hodge. Andrew Vaughn lines out to right fielder Seiya Suzuki. 1 Out. Gavin Sheets singles on a ground ball to third baseman Isaac Paredes. Miguel Vargas walks. Gavin Sheets to 2nd. Korey Lee strikes out swinging. 2 Outs. Corey Julks strikes out swinging. 3 Outs.

9th inning: Pitching Change: Steven Wilson replaces Dominic Leone. Cody Bellinger flies out to right fielder Corey Julks. 1 Out. Isaac Paredes lines out sharply to third baseman Miguel Vargas. 2 Outs. Nico Hoerner flies out to right fielder Corey Julks. 3 Outs.

Bottom of the 9th: Pitching Change: Héctor Neris replaces Jorge López. Brooks Baldwin reaches on a missed catch error by pitcher Héctor Neris, assist to first baseman Michael Busch. Lenyn Sosa flies out to center fielder Pete Crow-Armstrong. 1 Out. Luis Robert Jr. strikes out swinging. 2 Outs. Andrew Benintendi strikes out swinging. 3 Outs.

Final score:
Chicago Cubs: 3
Chicago White Sox: 1

The game is over, and the Cubs (that’s your team!) won. Great job, everyone.

Get yourself a shirt here!

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That’s it for the Crosstown Classic, White Sox fans. Let’s not let this loss ruin the excitement of having a team who may be recovering from the F.A.S.T. ways of the shameful Grifol era.

There are only 43 games left of the season, and despite the loss, it’s great to finally have a team that’s trying again, for a skipper they believe in, however long that lasts. Let’s run it into the ground. Record-break or bust.

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Futility Watch

White Sox 2024 Record 28-91, worst 119-game start in White Sox history (10 games worse than the next-worst, 1932 White Sox), second-worst start all-time, and a season-high 63 games under .500
White Sox 2024 Run Differential -251, ninth-worst 119-game start in MLB history and a White Sox season-worst
White Sox 2024 Season Record Pace 38-124 (.235)
All-Time White Sox Record (1901-2024) 9,581-9,582 (.49997)
Race to the Worst “Modern” 162-Game Record (2003 Tigers, 43-119) 5 games worse
Race to the Worst “Modern” Record in a 162-Game Season (1962 Mets, 40-120) 3 games worse
Race to the Most White Sox Losses (1970, 106) 18 games worse
Race to the Worst White Sox Record (1932, 52-109-1*) 14 1⁄2 games worse
Race to the Worst American League Record (1916 A’s, 38-124*) EVEN
*record adjusted to a 162-game season

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