Holy shit, ENOUGH of the black jerseys

A little over 3 years ago, I wrote a Pulitzer Prize-winning piece about what jerseys I wanted to see the White Sox wear that year, in which truly the only correct answer was the vest. Seriously, this picture belongs on Pornhub because it's got my bat more corked than Hawk when he reminisces about Yaz.



Now, since my 3-year hiatus, it is clear that nobody in the White Sox organization took my suggestions into consideration, as the White Sox continue to trot out half of an actual MLB roster and a few scrubs who got over 70 mph at the speed pitch in the same ol' uniforms. And for the most part, this is fine... but goddamn, am I getting tired of the White Sox wearing their black jerseys seemingly EVERY. SINGLE. GAME.

Don't get me wrong, I usually love the black jerseys, but variety is the spice of life, and right now, the black jerseys are becoming 'grilled chicken and brown rice every night for dinner before pity sex with your wife of 25 years' level of boring. Ah man, that's 2 sex jokes already in less than 200 words, but I digress.

Perhaps you've noticed this phenomenon as well, maybe you haven't, or maybe you just don't give a shit about what the Sox wear, as long as they give you enough W's to prevent you from jumping ship on the rebuild. But this is the dumb shit I notice, and there are indeed numbers to back up my questionable obsession with how the Sox look while losing 90+ games a year.

According to sportslogos.net, which is an awesome website for uniform psychiatric patients enthusiasts such as myself, the White Sox have worn their black jerseys a staggering 55 TIMES this year. As of writing this, the White Sox have played 89 games so far, meaning that 62% of the time, we're the goth White Sox.



Here's the breakdown of how often they wear black, and their success (Soxcess?) when doing so.

Away

Record: 14-19

Runs Scored: 135

Runs Allowed: 148



Did the White Sox lose their grey jerseys in the goddamn Bermuda Triangle? Did Chris Sale cut them all up? Was Drake LaRoche gifted all of the grey jerseys upon his exit as hero and supreme leader of the clubhouse?! Because the Sox have only worn the grey jerseys 9 times so far this season, and have gone 3-6 this year wearing them. With baseball players being a superstitious bunch, you would think that the greys would make more appearances, but apparently a 9-game sample size is enough to throw them into the dark abyss of all that was once good about the White Sox, along with the aforementioned vests and the "Thunderstruck" pregame intro.


Home

Record: 12-10

Runs Scored: 103

Runs Allowed: 126

I don't care how freaking good you look in this picture, Yoan, wear the damn pinstripes more often! Now I know we aren't the Yankees, who are beholden by the Bible and Constitution to wear pinstripes every home game, but the Sox pinstripes are a pretty slick look themselves, and they need to be dusted off more than the 13 times they've worn them so far this year. Hell, they even have their best winning percentage by far while wearing pinstripes, with a record of 9-4.

Again, I have nothing against the black jerseys, and I love them when they're worn a bit more sparingly than the 62% rate that they're at now. But dammit, I've grown up in an era where where I have 10 billion different shows and movies to watch on one screen, while swiping through millions of theoretically potential suitors (hey, someone has to eventually bite at my 'I like your face' pickup line) on another screen. I require variety.

I think if the Sox start wearing the black jerseys at a clip closer to Zac Collins' strikeout rate, I'll be back on board on the black jersey hype train. Until then, bring back the fucking vests.

Follow me and my rants against the White Sox and their vehement dedication to never wearing the vest jerseys again on my new twitter account @STactsu.