James may have slept with 1,000 women but it’s ME who reaps the benefits, says Sun sex columnist Chloe Madeley
HER husband James Haskell may have bedded as many as 1,000 women, but Chloe Madeley doesn’t care about his past.
In fact, fitness guru Chloe, 33, reckons all the practice former England rugby star James, 35, has had works to her advantage.
She says: “James had a very eventful life before we met but I reap the benefits of him being very experienced — so I’m fine with it.
“He has never actually disclosed his magic number but it’s far above what your average would be.
“One thousand might be hyperbolic but knowing what I do about him, it’s definitely in the hundreds if not more.”
Chloe adds: “I’ve told James how many people I’ve slept with — there’s a very humble number of notches on my bedpost.
“But I’ve always been a relationship girl.
“I’ve had seven medium to long-term relationships, whereas James was a pretty typical twentysomething rugby player and only had two girlfriends before me.
“He spent the majority of his teens and twenties single and having a good time.”
Chloe believes there is still a stigma around women talking about sex and says: “Slut-shaming is still prevalent, so women feel they have to be more secretive about their sex lives because it’s seen as distasteful for us to talk about it.
“For men, the more sex you have, the more celebrated you become.
“It’s a huge double standard. But I come from a family that is very open and I’m just not going to toe that line, ever.”
This fearless honesty and sharp analysis make Chloe, a favourite of The Sun’s Fabulous pages, the perfect person to write our new weekly sex and relationships column, Ask Chloe, which starts on Wednesday.
Each week she will be answering readers’ questions in her inimitable, no-holds-barred and quick-witted style.
She says: “I can’t wait to get started. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I say what I feel.
“And I’ve been through plenty of heartbreak. In fact, Fabulous has been right there with me each time.”
When giving advice, Chloe will be drawing on her own experiences, including her relationship with James — which has not always been plain- sailing.
The couple met in 2015 and wed in December 2018.
‘LIFE WAS LIKE A CYCLONE’
But Chloe, daughter of former daytime TV hosts Richard Madeley and Judy Finnigan, almost finished things before they got engaged when James told her he was not interested in marriage.
Her TV host dad Richard even said she should consider walking away.
Chloe says: “I surprised myself by how quickly it hit me that I wanted to get married, and how intensely.
“But James made it really hard for me. He didn’t know if he wanted to, and the problem with James is if you disagree with him, it makes him dig his heels in even more.
We lost six months of our relationship to arguing and feeling miserable and I look back at that time as hell
Chloe Madeley
“So the more I said I wanted to talk about it, the more he shut it down.
“I had to think about whether I was willing to walk away from the person I was pretty sure I should be with for the rest of my life.
“I spoke to my dad and he said, ‘Yes, if it’s important to you — you’re not going to get over this’.”
Chloe had just about got her head around the fact that marriage was not going to happen when, out of the blue, James proposed.
Standard James, says Chloe.
She adds: “I was so angry that he’d put me through all that — and still am to this day. We lost six months of our relationship to arguing and feeling miserable and I look back at that time as hell.”
Chloe also tells how lockdown had a profound effect on their relationship, completely changing the dynamic.
She says: “It’s the first time I could say I was busier than him.
Everything has always been done around James’s schedule — you can’t date an international athlete and not have them and their career be the core focus.
“And even when he retired, he went into the I’m A Celebrity jungle, which was another onslaught of James.
“Life was like a cyclone and he was still at the epicentre. Then lockdown hit and all of a sudden, for the first time, everything flipped.
“His work is all public-facing — corporate speaking, rugby club events, dinners, DJ-ing and media work.
“Everything he’d been doing was cancelled, so he saw a huge drop in income and it was terrifying.
“I got really lucky in that it coincided with the launch of my website and online training business, which has been growing and growing.
“I immediately became the sole earner and everything had to work around me. So there was a pressure.
“But I feel less like James Haskell’s wife and more like my own career woman again, which is lovely.”
‘SEX LIFE TOOK A NOSEDIVE’
But Chloe admits that the time spent hunkered down together initially took its toll on their once-rampant sex life, with a combination of work stress, quarantine sluggishness and James’s broken post-rugby body meaning their drives fell out of sync.
She says: “Our sex life took a nosedive and absolutely dried up in lockdown and we’ve had to work to get back on top of it again — no pun intended.
“It surprised me, because James and I have always been really sexually compatible and I always assumed these lulls would never happen to us.
“I was really stressed, with a big workload, and when you’re in the house all day, every day, and you only ever see this one person, and with nothing to look forward to any day, any week, life gets bloody hard.”
For me, sex is top of my priorities. I need trust, affection and a healthy sex life or I won’t feel fulfilled
Chloe Madeley
The major issue was James developing a penchant for afternoon sex and being too tired in the evenings.
If Chloe wasn’t up for it during the new “window”, then they both missed the boat that day.
She says: “The evening had always been our time, but something happened since James retired from rugby and evenings became a no-go. He was too tired, in pain and he just wanted to read.
“Early afternoon is right in the middle of my working day — and who feels sexy between lunch and dinner?
“We were at loggerheads for a while, trying to get it back on track.
“For me, sex is top of my priorities. I need trust, affection and a healthy sex life or I won’t feel fulfilled.”
Chloe acknowledges that nearly 20 years of professional rugby have had a huge impact on James’s body, and having spoken to other players’ wives and girlfriends she understands that retirement can bring with it new physical challenges.
She says: “When they retire, all those injuries come to the fore. It’s really hard on a relationship and the sex life is one of many factors that can take a huge hit.
“He’s in pain every single day and I do understand it’s not pleasant for him to be living in the body he’s in.”
But a recent holiday to Ibiza helped Chloe and James work through the unexpected blip.
She says: “It’s picked up again now. Having things to look forward to again breathes life into your relationship.
“Sex has always been so pivotal with us. If it works straight off the bat, you know you can find your way back to having great sex again.”
With Morning TV favourites Richard and Judy Finnigan as parents, Chloe has always had #MarriageGoals in her life.
Her parents have been wed for 34 years and Chloe has taken lessons from their relationship into her own.
She says: “What I learned from them was patience. My mum and dad worked together every day for 21 years and they managed that because they were patient with each other.”
They also taught Chloe that having differences can sometimes make the perfect match.
‘PERFECT TOGETHER’
She says: “My mum is very quiet. She’s an academic, anti-social, she wants to read, write and be on her own.
“My dad is an extrovert — he wants to show off, to talk, to be on camera, he needs a microphone.
“James and I are politically and emotionally worlds apart but in terms of our goals and where we want to be we’re perfect together.
“Maybe if it hadn’t been for my parents I would have thought in the beginning that that would make us incompatible.”
I’m very opinionated and he’s the dominant male. A row is a four-day event — two days fighting and two days not speaking
Chloe Madeley
There are similarities, though. Chloe and James — who were among the guests at Harry and Meghan Markle’s 2018 wedding at Windsor Castle — are both passionate and fiery, so when they fight, they fight big.
Chloe says: “I’m very opinionated and he’s the dominant male. A row is a four-day event — two days fighting and two days not speaking.”
Current discussions are focused on whether or not to have children.
She continues: “It’s an adventure I want to have with him and something I want to give him.
“Even if he doesn’t know it now, he’s going to be a f***ing fantastic dad.”
The couple might have their moments, but anyone who spends time with Chloe and James can see how well matched they are.
They verbally bounce off each other and laugh easily.
Trust, humour and good communication are the key to making their relationship tick.
They recently launched a joint podcast, Couples Quarantine, where they discuss relationship issues with each other and celebrity guests.
Being open is vital, says Chloe, especially when it comes to keeping things, ahem, interesting in the bedroom.
She says: “Saying what we want has never been a problem.
“We go through phases when we get into a routine with sex but we also find new things and it’s really important to be able to share that with your partner.
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“If you can’t have those conver-sations then you’re in trouble.”
She adds: “It’s really hard to make a relationship work.
“James and I can be a nightmare couple and that’s OK because we’re happy and we love each other . . . most of the time.”
- Ask Chloe, her no-holds-barred sex and relationships column starts Wednesday, only in Fab Daily
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