Judo Chump: Bully gets a higher education in men’s room fracas

Join the harrowing saga of a man and his friends getting their domes rocked in a lavatory.

As I’ve said many, many times here and there, at some point in his life every man thinks he can rap, and every man thinks he can fight. The results of this delusion often range from unbelievably hilarious to really truly terrible mistakes were made.

Today’s entry comes courtesy of Old Row Oklahoma, where a video from late last week surfaced with a wild display of street MMA.

A young man identified as OU football player Spencer Jones appears to have gotten verbally bold with a smaller fellow in the men’s room of a local drinking establishment. Unfortunately, Jones seems to have been unfamiliar with one of the few modern wrinkles of freestyle fisticuffs (a little thing I personally like to refer to as the Joe Lauzon principle): even if a guy looks like a dork, he can probably give you the beating of a lifetime. Our guy learned that lesson in the form of a younger man of the Ben Askren/Chase Hooper genus of Curlious Dudicus, a man whose stockpile of shits to give must’ve ran out three weeks prior to the altercation.

So Jones is apparently involved in a verbal spat with this guy and is demanding his attention in a manner that is decidedly not diplomatic. One must understand, saying “Get the f—k out of here” is not polite nor a way to ingratiate one’s self to another person. I’m sure they probably teach that lesson at OU, but it seems that Jones wasn’t in the mood for being courteous. After Jones’ friend appears to push the curly haired man, it prompts the smaller gentleman to nail Jones with hooks and pull off a Takeshi Morishima back drop to take him to the ground and secure a rapid backmount.

The commentary didn’t need to provide full coverage of the minute details, but it was illustrative and animated. Hearing “Hey! Rear naked choke! Tap out, motherfu—er!!“ Not that it would have helped any. As one of my head instructors told me early on, the only part of Jiu-Jitsu that doesn’t work on the street is tapping out. So, uh... no dice on that one.

Curly hangs on and losses back back position. but ends up outstretching the arm and trying to do more. Then Curly’s buddy busts out the heater and manifests the power of concrete and physics to land a suplex on the pushy-shovey guy into the wall harder than Tina Armstrong.

As a guy that’s made plenty of dumb mistakes his life, I can proudly look my son in the face and say I never got in a drunken fight in a bathroom and ended up getting myself beat up and soaked in bodily fluids. No, sir. The bear seemingly tried to poke Goldilocks and found that the whupping he ate was juuuuuuust right.

Unfortunately, Jones suffered massive swelling on his face and required surgery to repair the damage, with doctors saying that he very nearly lost an eye. Fortunately, reports are that his vision should return to normal after having his left orbital socket rebuilt. Both Jones and his OU teammates claims he was attempting to de-escalate matters.

Campus website OUDaily spoke to Jones’ family attorney regarding the matter, in which he claimed the following:

“He’s had great support from his coaches through all of this,” Glass said. “He’s had great support from his teammates. They kind of all banded together around him and are really supportive. … Spencer’s just a superb kid, too. … He didn’t deserve this, ever.”

We don’t have too much footage of the lead-up to the events in the video, so perhaps de-escalation simply takes many forms.

On the flip side, a man claiming to be one of the two people on the victorious side of this exchange, Braden Brown, has taken to Twitter with his side of the story. And while he didn’t exactly lend a different picture of events, he claims that his years of MMA training played a big part in finding his path to a somewhat pee-soaked victory.

We’ll have to wait and see how the legal portion of this is handled as to whether the courts buy Jones’ story that he was trying to calm things down. Or the other side that suggests he was the one instigating the altercation.