How worried should we be?

Welcome to Friday.

Given that the team leave for Singapore tomorrow, I had half-expected an announcement or two this week. Spanish press have reported that Cristhian Mosquera has completed his deal and is expected to be revealed officially as an Arsenal player ‘by the end of the week’, while Noni Madueke’s move from Chelsea is done and dusted, but it’s about the announcement. Perhaps today? Let’s see.

The other thing is Viktor Gyokeres, and I’m not sure how to take the silence over the last few days. Have we sorted the add-ons? Are Sporting, much like Prince’s mother, never satisfied? We appear to be in some kind of transfer limbo right now, and according to one report from Portugal – which you might take with a pinch of salt – it all hinges on €2.5m as the final installment of those add-ons. I realise we have a big gap of information here, and when that happens it can often be filled with nonsense, but if Mikel Arteta wants his new striker on tour we’re going to have to break that deadlock, whether it’s €2.5m or something a bit more complicated than that (which seems more likely to me).

Yesterday, we reached some classic levels of transfer absurdity as screenshots emerged of CNN Portugal reporting on the fact that there were removal men at the Swedish international’s house – which I assume is in Lisbon (or just outside). No doubt at this point the Arsenal Internet Transfer Sleuths have identified the house via Google Maps, and are now hacking taxi company records to see if anyone was brought to a private airfield nearby to take a flight to Luton airport.

We’ll be on cloud watch next.

“Look, there’s a giant cloud in the shape of a letter V over the skies of Hertfordshire.”

Followed by some ITK-led misinfo:

Seriously though, how worried should we be? I can’t tell anyone else how to feel, but I’m vaguely anxious but mostly relaxed. Maybe you can pick your own level of worried from the list below.

WORRY LEVEL – IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER

– You have an important exam tomorrow but you haven’t studied at all.

– You’re in a country where scorpions are prevalent and you’ve just about put on your shoe, but then you remember you haven’t checked if there’s a scorpion in your shoe and being stung by a scorpion that’s hiding in your shoe is in your top 5 ways you don’t want to die.

– You have a meeting at 1pm, but traffic on the motorway is a nightmare and there’s a chance you might be 4 or 5 minutes late.

– You’re outside a cafe in Spain and you’ve finished your drink and you want to go, but despite your best efforts to signal the waiter so you can do the universal signing your hand gesture to indicate you want the bill, he refuses to make eye contact with you.

– It’s 7th minute of 7 minutes of added-on time in a big game we must win that we’re leading 1-0, and one of our players inexplicably gives away a corner when he could have just hoofed the ball upfield at which point the referee would have definitely blown the final whistle.

– There’s a 6′ tall, 300lb clown running towards you in a weird way, like one of those dog robot things, and he’s carrying two kitchen knives covered in blood, and some balloons he could fashion into a dog. Which will he use?

– Your teenage kid is 3 minutes late coming home for their 9pm curfew.

– Your boss, who has walked into the office carrying a book entitled ‘How AI can do stuff better than your employees’, calls you in for a ‘quick chat’.

– Your phone rings but it’s not a number you recognise. You don’t answer. They call again immediately.

– Watching the news.

– You’re on a first date with somebody you really like but for some reason you order chicken wings and your face is covered in sauce and there’s a bit of meat stuck in the corner of your mouth and they gesture towards it but you pick the wrong side to wipe.

– The moment when your head gets stuck between some railings and you think ‘I could have just not put my head between any railings’.

– Swimming in the sea and it gets dark underneath you.

– Going to your favourite bar but it’s too busy and there are no seats.

– The world won’t survive before they release Grand Theft Auto 6.

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I think that should be enough to cover everyone. As has frequently been the case this summer, when I write about the nothing, a lot of something happens, so let’s hope that’s how it plays out today. No need to thank me, it’s a public service.

Right, I’ll leave it there for now. We’ll have an Arsecast for you a little bit later this morning too, so stand by for that.

Have a good one.

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