A diehard football fan’s guide to college basketball before March Madness

So consumed by football that you haven’t been able to pay any attention to college basketball? Don’t worry, we’re here to answer your questions and get you fully prepared for March Madness.

Have you been so consumed by football for the last five months that you’re woefully behind on what’s been happening in the world of men’s college basketball? Would you like to change that so you sound like you know what you’re talking about once March Madness rolls around in a month?

Once again, we here at SB Nation have you, the diehard football fan who is finally ready to start paying attention to college hoops now that the Super Bowl is over, covered.

Let’s hear your questions.

So who’s good?

Straight to the point. All right. I like it.

The simplest answer at this point is “pretty much everyone in the SEC.” The conf—-

Imma stop you right there. We’re talkin’ basketball here. Dribblin’. Dunkin’. Houston floppy corner seal halfcourt sets.

We can get back to the SEC convo in like seven months.

I completely understand your confusion.

The fact of the matter is that the SEC isn’t just the best conference in college basketball right now, there are some who believe it’s the best conference in the sport’s modern history.

Four of the top five teams in the current AP top 25 poll are from the SEC. The league’s 16 teams won an incredible 88.9 percent of their non-conference games. That’s the best out of conference record that any league has put together this century.

There is plenty of chatter that the SEC could set a new record for most teams from one conference to make an NCAA tournament (currently 11 from the Big East in 2011), and some growing chatter that it could become the first conference ever to claim all four No. 1 seeds in the Big Dance.

I don’t really do numbers.

This year’s SEC is very, very good.

Dope. So who is the best team from the SEC?

The timing actually couldn’t be more perfect for the answer to this question.

Auburn is the No. 1 ranked team in the AP top 25 poll, and Alabama is the No. 1 team in the coaches top 25 poll. The two rivals will square off in Tuscaloosa on Saturday, and the winner will be the undisputed No. 1 team in the sport for the moment.

Hey, remember the ‘Kick Six’?

I do.

That was awesome.

It was.

Is Duke good? I bet Duke’s good.

Duke is good.

The Blue Devils are currently the only non-SEC team ranked in the top five. They beat Auburn back in December and are a sparkling 13-1 in the ACC right now. Jon Scheyer’s team is definitely on the short list for teams that could win the national championship.

Have they won it all since Zion left?

Well, no, but Zion’s team didn’t actually w—

There any Zion-type players this year?

Actually, yes.

Duke freshman sensation Cooper Flagg is currently the favorite to win pretty much every national Player of the Year award, and is also a near-lock to be the No. 1 pick in this June’s NBA Draft.

Yeah, I think I’ve heard of him. Does he dunk?

He dunks.

So who are the other guys that are supposed to be future NBA stars?

It’s actually kind of wild, but in a lot of mock drafts, the second and third picks are two freshmen who play for the same team — Dylan Harper and Ace Bailey for Rutgers.

Wow, so how good is Rutgers?

They stink.

How does that make sense?

It doesn’t.

Could UConn three-peat?

They could, but this team winning it all would be a lot more surprising than the last two.

The Huskies are currently 17-7 overall and 9-4 in the Big East. They have a handful of really nice wins, but they haven’t yet discovered the consistency that made them so lethal the last couple of years, especially on the defensive end.

I love that coach of theirs. He always seems so chill.

That’s Dan Hurley, and he has never been chill nor will he ever be chill.

What has he done this season that hasn’t been chill?

-He went berserk on officials throughout the Maui Invitational in November.

-After going 0-3 in said Maui Invitational he claimed UConn would never play in another three-game early season tournament again.

-In January he told an official “don’t turn your back on me, I’m the best coach in the fucking sport.”

-Just this week, he got into it with fans after a win over Creighton in Omaha.

That’s definitely not chill, but it seems like it might be good for the sport.

It’s incredible for the sport.

How’s Coach K doin’ this year?

He’s retired.

Roy Williams?

Retired.

Jim Boeheim?

Retired

Jay Wright?

Retired.

Tony Bennett?

Retired right before the start of the season.

Rick Pitino?

He’s thriving!

At 72-years-old, Pitino has St. John’s in the midst of its best season in 25 years. The Red Storm is 21-4 overall and currently sitting atop the Big East standings with a 12-2 league record.

Remember when he coached at Kentucky?

I do.

Calipari still there?

He’s not!

Former Kentucky player Mark Pope is currently in his first season as the head coach of the Wildcats and is having a terrific year. UK has been ranked in the top 15 for most of the season and just had a big win over Tennessee this week.

Calipari, meanwhile, is now the head coach at Arkansas. The Razorbacks have been less stellar this season, and seem like a longshot to make the NCAA tournament.

Oh man, I bet it was crazy when Coach Cal went back to Kentucky for the first time.

It was definitely a scene.

How badly did the Wildcats smoke Arkansas?

Actually, the Razorbacks pulled off a huge upset inside Rupp Arena.

Did Cal do the John Wall Dance?

He did not.

I would have done the John Wall Dance.

I don’t think anyone even knows what this is anymore.

Hey, remember when Pitino coached Louisville?

I do.

They still hot garbage?

The Cardinals are actually in the midst of their best season in a long time thanks to first-year head coach Pat Kelsey, who has Louisville at 19-6 overall and 12-2 in the ACC.

Neat. Hey, remember when Pitino coached Indiana?

No.

They still hot garbage?

They are. And head coach Mike Woodson has already announced that he’ll be stepping down at the end of the season, creating a vacancy at one of the sport’s most storied programs.

Brad Stevens finally coming home?

Maybe.

Really!?

Probably not.

Any other big jobs opening up?

Longtime Florida State head coach Leonard Hamilton has announced that he’ll be stepping down at the end of the season. Miami head coach Jim Larranaga stepped down in the middle of the season. Virginia will be hiring a new head coach to replace Tony Bennett at the end of the season.

Does nobody want to coach in the ACC anymore?

It’s been a ridiculous era of change for the league, no doubt.

Hey, show me some cool dunks.

Michigan State’s Coen Carr dunks everything and is always appointment viewing.

Pretty much everyone on Auburn is very good at dunking.

Creighton’s Jamiya Neal had a sweet poster against Xavier.

And lastly, how about this filth from Youngstown State’s Ty Harper:

I like those crazy March Madness upsets. Who is going to pull off a crazy March Madness upset?

I can give you some mid-major teams that look like legitimate top 30-50 teams, but as far as trying to forecast the 14, 15 or 16 seed that’s going to pull off a first round stunner this year, that’s a virtually impossible task at this point in the season.

Fine. Just don’t give me any obvious tournament locks like Gonzaga.

Actually, Gonzaga has struggled a little bit this season. But yes, both the Zags and perennial WCC rival Saint Mary’s are still both good teams.

Looking a little bit deeper at the mid-major ranks, Drake from the Missouri Val—

Drake? Like the rapper? Oh my god.

It’s a school in Iowa.

Oh I know, man. It’s just wild to hear that name in a college hoops conversation. I feel like there’s a good Super Bowl halftime show joke to make here, but I just can’t piece it together.

So, Drake from the Missouri Valley is 23-2 overall and very, very good.

Yale from the Ivy League, UC Irvine from the Big West and McNeese State from the Southland are all other mid-majors that are worth keeping an eye on before the calendar flips to March.

Hasn’t it been like a billion years since a Big Ten team won it all?

Yes. The last Big Ten team to win the national championship was Michigan State in 2000.

And hasn’t it been even longer since a West Coast team won it all?

Yes. The last “West Coast” team to cut down the nets was Arizona in 1997.

Any Pac-12 teams have a shot to cut down the nets this year?

Well ...

I don’t know how to tell you this, but the Pac-12 doesn’t actually exist anymore.

So there’s no more UCLA?

They’re in the Big 10 and they’re pretty good.

No more Arizona?

They’re in the Big 12 and they’re pretty good.

No more Washington State?

They’re in the West Coast Conference and they stink.

No more Houston?

What?

They were never in the Pac-12. They’re in the Big 12 and they are incredibly good.

Show me some cool buzzer-beaters. I want to really get into the March mindset.

Let’s do it.

Let’s go the MAAC where Fairfield recently stunned Marist on this near full-court heave.

Caleb Love also hit this bonkers shot at the buzzer to send Arizona’s game against Iowa State into overtime. The wildcats ultimately prevailed.

And lastly, here’s some MEAC magic from Norfolk State against North Carolina Central:

Kansas is pretty good, right?

They are. Just not quite as good as people were expecting them to be at the start of the season.

Gonzaga is pretty good, right?

They are. Just not quite as good as people were expecting them to be at the start of the season.

Baylor is pretty good, right?

They are. Just not quite as good as people were expecting them to be at the start of the season.

North Carolina is pretty good, right?

They are not.

Give me your Final Four.

I don’t really like to do that before we get the actual bracket.

Why?

It’s a totally pointless exercise to pick a Final Four when so much of who makes up the Final Four is based on tournament draw. If you pick four teams right now, two or three of them might end up being in the same region on Selection Sunday.

Well I’d stay away from Purdue. I always forget what happens a few months after March, but the one thing I ALWAYS remember is that Purdue chokes.

They made it to the national championship game last year.

Oh yeah.

What if I just picked four football schools as a joke. Like ‘Bama, Auburn, Florida and Tennessee? I feel like that would be hilarious.

No, that ... this was literally the first thing we talked about.

People at work would laugh.

This has all been a massive waste of time.