Breakfast of Home Run Derby Champions

This morning, treat yourself like an All-Star

Cal Raleigh is the worst interview I’ve ever done.

Let’s set the scene. It’s mid-August of 2022, a month and change before Raleigh will dramatically end the longest playoff drought in major professional sports. After a disappointing MLB debut in ‘21, the Mariners third-round pick has been putting together a solid season. I’m credentialed for the second time that week, on a mission to talk to Raleigh about his approach to managing this talented pitching staff. I’d been unsuccessful so far; both fellow reporters and Mariners PR staff warned that he was one of the toughest to pin down - not out of rudeness, simply because he was almost constantly busy prepping for each game. I loiter near one of the clubhouse entrances (loitering is at least 78% of reporting, in my experience) until Raleigh finally appears at his locker. With the nod of approval from PR staff, I weave through the miscellany of bodies and equipment.

His back is to me as I approach, head ducked down to examine the catcher’s mitt in his hands. I veer to the side, to better appear in his peripheral vision, and stop to his left.

Nothing.

For a moment, I wonder if Raleigh is ignoring me. Totally fair. I, too, hate being bothered while I’m at work. “Hi Cal!” I say, my voice bright and professional and an entirely normal volume to be heard over the reggae music (JP must have the aux). He jumps half a foot in the air, nearly dropping the mitt.

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry,” I tell him, both hands rising up in the universal signal of “I am not a threat.” It’s hard to tell which one of us is more thrown in the moment; him, by my appearance, or me, by evidently managing to surprise a professional athlete with my appearance. He blinks at me. “Uh, do you have a moment for a few questions?” I ask.

He blinks again. “Uh, sure. Go ahead,” he replies.

Saved in my voice notes are three minutes and 52 seconds of the most cliche, stilted conversation imaginable. It’s sort of gratifying, in a sick way, that it is just as mortifying to listen back to years later.

In the moment, I know that none of this is usable. I can’t salvage any of this for content, but I rack my brain for some way to end this experience on a vaguely positive note. A few weeks prior, we had learned that Raleigh and Logan Gilbert were living together for the season, and there had been rumors that Cal made breakfast for the two of them. I’d had no intention of bringing it up originally, but figured there was no way this could get worse.

“Okay, last hard-hitting question for you. I heard that sometimes you make breakfast for you and Logan. Is that true?”

He huffs a laugh. “Yeah, there’ve been some times when I’ll make us breakfast sandwiches or something. He’s never going to be the one making it.”

Heartened, I ask “What are the keys to an ideal breakfast sandwich?”

The man lights up. Gone are the ums and the rote cliches; even the cadence of his voice changes, picking up speed as he extolls the importance of proper timing, the joys of perfectly melty cheese, and admits to a slight preference for bacon, but adds “I’m indiscriminate.”

I’ve tried to sneak this little anecdote into countless stories, shoehorning it into light-hearted pieces or attempting to add levity to articles with more heft. None of it has really fit and, unlike Raleigh himself, it is far from vital. But today there is no baseball, just the lingering glow of a perfect golden bubble of Mariners memories in recent days. And I can think of no better way to celebrate Cal than with a good breakfast sandwich.*

Home Run Derby Breakfast Champ-which

Serves:

One, but can easily be multiplied.

Ingredients:

Two slices of bread, or a bread product split lengthwise

Two eggs

Cheese of your choosing

Meat of your choosing. Note: This is optional.

Directions:

Begin by cooking your meat so that it will not land you on the IL.

Set the meat aside, and prepare your eggs as desired.

While the eggs are cooking, lightly warm your bread product and ensure your cheese is nearby and ready to go.

Once the eggs are done, work swiftly and efficiently to stack the bottom piece of bread product with the meat (if using) and eggs, then layer the cheese gracefully on top of the hot eggs. Plop the second piece of bread product on top. (Note: You can add something to this piece before plopping. Hot sauce? Aioli? Butter? Mayo? I don’t know, this is a volcano blog.)

Best enjoyed while watching Cal Raleigh highlights.

*Unless you’re a BBWAA member, in which case the best way to celebrate Cal is to vote for him for MVP and then enjoy a breakfast sandwich.