Albert Pujols Retires The Apostrophe From “I’m Mortal”

Start engraving the Hall of Fame plaque for Albert Pujols now: First a Cardinal, then an Angel, always a God. Been a while since I got choked up about a player retiring, but this one had me bent over in disbelief like Brad Lidge. Often made fun of Albert Pujols, but he was arguably the greatest 1st baseman I saw. Objectively, he's the best post-war 1st baseman in MLB history. (Bet you can't guess number two.) Sure, towards the end he would smack the occasional homer, and plop a tennis ball onto his bat as he used it as a cane around the bases. Those early Angels and Cardinals years, though, no one could sniff Pujols' rarified air. If he wafted the Pujols air, they came, which sounds like some x-rated anime film. The Angels did him dirty by just releasing him -- even the Yankees gave Jay Bruce one final game! Maybe the Angels feared Pujols's retirement celebration around the league would take an extra year, as he decided to jog Cal Ripken-style around the field. All this is super sad, especially since I lowered Jared Walsh (1-for-4, hitting .330) in my preseason rankings at the last second, and where's my Jo Adell at? Welp, fairly well, Pujols, you will leave a gaping hole in the game, even if he says he wants to continue playing, which will just be sad. Retire, man, it's time. *finger to ear* Wait, we have breaking news! Albert Pujols to play center field for the White Sox. La Russa confirms. Anyway, here's what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball: