Coco Gauff on Grappling with Depression and Realizing She Needed to Play Tennis ‘for Myself’

Coco Gauff is getting candid about the strain and difficulty that comes with the intense schedule of a professional athlete.

In an essay for Behind The Racquet, the teen tennis star — who made history last year by becoming the youngest tennis player in 15 years to make it to a WTA final — writes, “I’ve always wondered how better or worse my life would be without tennis. With what this sport has given me I cannot imagine my life would be better without.”

Gauff, a Florida high schooler, says she’s often compared herself to others her age, who she says “always seemed so happy being ‘normal.’ ”

“For a while, I thought I wanted that but then I realized that just like social media everyone isn’t as happy as what you see in their posts,” she explains. “It took me about a year to get over that idea.”

The 16-year-old says her parents did a “great job” of making sure that, despite her training schedule, she still did ” ‘normal’ childhood things.”

“Even though I may miss some things, I think this lifestyle I live is perfect for me, and it’s not for everyone,” she admits in the essay, noting specifically that leaving her brothers to travel is particularly difficult.

More than anything, Gauff says, she has grappled with “this pressure that I needed to do well fast.”

“Right before Wimbledon, going back to around 2017/18, I was struggling to figure out if this was really what I wanted,” she explains.

Gauff defeated five-time Wimbledon champion Venus Williams in an impressive 2019 debut against the veteran player.

Says Gauff, “I always had the results so that wasn’t the issue, I just found myself not enjoying what I loved. I realized I needed to start playing for myself and not other people.”

During that time, Gauff reveals, “For about a year I was really depressed. That was the toughest year for me so far.”

View this post on Instagram

Repost from @behindtheracquet • “Throughout my life, I was always the youngest to do things, which added hype that I didn’t want. It added this pressure that I needed to do well fast. Once I let that all go, I started to have the results I wanted. Right before Wimbledon, going back to around 2017/18, I was struggling to figure out if this was really what I wanted. I always had the results so that wasn’t the issue, I just found myself not enjoying what I loved. I realized I needed to start playing for myself and not other people. For about a year I was really depressed. That was the toughest year for me so far. Even though I had, it felt like there weren’t many friends there for me. When you are in that dark mindset you don’t look on the bright side of things too often, which is the hardest part. I don’t think it had much to do with tennis, maybe just about juggling it all. I knew that I wanted to play tennis but didn’t know how I wanted to go about it. It went so far that I was thinking about possibly taking a year off to just focus on life. Choosing not to obviously was the right choice but I was close to not going in that direction. I was just lost. I was confused and overthinking if this was what I wanted or what others did. It took many moments sitting, thinking and crying. I came out of it stronger and knowing myself better than ever. Everyone asks me how I stay calm on court and I think it’s because I accepted who I am after overcoming low points in my life. Now, when I’m on court, I am just really thankful to be out there. Personally for me, I like playing for more than myself. One of the biggest things is to continue breaking barriers. At the same time I don’t like being compared to Serena or Venus. First, I am not at their level yet. I always feel like it’s not fair to the Williams sisters to be compared to someone who is just coming up. It just doesn’t feel right yet, I still look at them as my idols. With all their accolades I shouldn’t be put in the same group yet. Of course I hope to get to where they are but they are the two women that set the pathway for myself, which is why I can never be them.” @cocogauff Go to behindtheracquet.com for extended

A post shared by Coco Gauff (@cocogauff) on Apr 14, 2020 at 3:10pm PDT

//www.instagram.com/embed.js

The athlete says she was stuck in a “dark mindset” and struggled to see the positive in things. Still, she says, she doesn’t relate it directly to tennis, but rather, “juggling it all.”

RELATED: Coco Gauff Makes History! Teen Becomes Youngest Tennis Player in 15 Years to Reach WTA Final

“I knew that I wanted to play tennis but didn’t know how I wanted to go about it,” she says. “It went so far that I was thinking about possibly taking a year off to just focus on life. Choosing not to obviously was the right choice but I was close to not going in that direction.”

She continues, “I was just lost. I was confused and overthinking if this was what I wanted or what others did. It took many moments sitting, thinking and crying. I came out of it stronger and knowing myself better than ever.”

Gauff has now “accepted who I am after overcoming low points in my life,” making her “really thankful” to be on the court.

RELATED: Tennis Star Coco Gauff, 15, Doesn’t Feel Like She’s ‘Missing Out’ on Being a Regular Teen

Speaking to PEOPLE in August of last year, Gauff admitted that her transition to overnight sensation in the tennis world was challenging: “When I was younger, I was just dreaming about winning tournaments and winning slams I guess, and I didn’t think about all that would come with it. So like, I guess I had time to mentally prepare for the winning but not necessarily the off the court.”

She added, “But honestly, I’m just grateful that I’ve been given the platform and I hope that I’m able to use this platform in the right way.”