Top rules for living together on board: How to manage crew and guests

Joshua Shankle explains how to welcome guests aboard your boat while managing crew expectations to make for a successful circumnavigation.

Whether you’re new to cruising or are a seasoned liveaboard, welcoming family, friends or new crew aboard can be both a joy and a challenge.

On the one hand, you want your guests to feel at home and comfortable. On the other, you need them to respect the boat, follow the rules, and stay flexible.

It’s a delicate dance, especially in the first few days, balancing the role of both host and captain.

Over the last 10 years of cruising we’ve hosted nearly 100 individuals aboard, first on our monohull Agápe, a 42ft 1984 Tayana Vancouver, and now Agápe Nui, our 46ft Leopard catamaran. Many have returned multiple times, with stays ranging from a week to three months.

My wife Rachel and I love sharing our alternative, chosen lifestyle – so much so that we transitioned from a monohull to a catamaran to make it both more sustainable for ourselves and also for hosting.

Seeing the amazement and wonder on our family and friends’ faces when we drop the hook in crystal-clear water, or share morning coffee watching eagle rays dance under the boat, is one of the things that keeps us going.

That’s not to say there are no frustrations and growing pains when hosting for so long and so often.

Here are our tips to keeping things running smoothly.

First things first: set ground rules

The single most important thing is to manage expectations from the very beginning.

We have an Agápe Nui welcome letter that we send to all of our guests before they book airfares going over some of the differences between land and boat life.

We try to forewarn people about things like water conservation, power use, weather and daily activity level.

This helps ease the shock of not being able to take 10 minute showers, and any other nuances that you deem worth mentioning.

We also ask about any food allergies or restrictions so that we have sufficient time to stock the boat, especially when in more remote locations.

Managing space onboard

Teaching people how to move around the boat your way goes a long way towards making the experience enjoyable for everyone. Space is always tight on a boat, and we make sure guests know that.

Hard-sided luggage and Pelican cases are nearly impossible to stow, so we encourage soft-sided rolling duffels. We often joke that if a bag is too big to stow, they may end up sleeping with it.

We also let guests know early on that we tend to keep a slow and steady pace. We usually avoid moving the boat on the first day. It gives everyone a chance to unpack, settle in, and get a feel for their new floating home.

During this time, we give them a thorough tour, pointing out everything from how to use the toilet to where it’s okay to be salty and where it’s not, not leaving the fridge open, and even how to light the stove.

It can seem a lot, and at times we feel like little tyrants laying down so many rules. But being clear from the beginning helps everyone adjust quickly and prevents frustrations later.

Typically, we’ll do one or two fun activities each day, but the rest of our time is filled with the monotony of daily life, preparing meals, doing maintenance, reading, and relaxing.

Many guests come from busy lives where constant activity is expected. We invite them to slow down. A good book goes a long way out here.

Guests are part of onboard life (and chores!)

Of course, while our guests are on vacation we’re still living our everyday lives. There are chores to do and errands to run. That said, some of those chores can turn into fun experiences.

Something like grocery shopping can become a cultural adventure. Visiting markets in foreign ports, with unexpected language barriers, unfamiliar sights and smells, and bartering for local produce all adds up to something memorable. Plus, it gives guests a chance to pick out snacks they like, grab anything they forgot, and help carry it all back to the dinghy.

We also like to involve guests in keeping the boat clean. One of our shared tasks is washing the boat after a day of sailing. It’s a great way to get everyone involved, and it creates a sense of ownership.

When people help clean, they’re more likely to help keep it that way, and that makes life better for everyone.

Recharge yourself (and keep a board game on hand!)

As much as we love having people with us, it’s important to take a little time for ourselves.

Often as sailors we are used to living a slightly isolated life and can sometimes go for several days without even leaving the boat, let alone speaking to other people. But with guests, you’re often in full-on host mode.

It can be a lot. Just thirty minutes alone with a cup of coffee or a short walk ashore can help recharge your social batteries and keep your energy levels up.

After a full day in the sun and salt, we’re often talked out but not quite ready for bed. That’s when a few simple games come in handy.

A few decks of cards or a set of dominoes are perfect for passing time. Dominoes are great as they won’t blow away in a sudden gust, and they keep the mood light and easy.

Enjoy it!

Hosting people in your floating home can be a challenge, but it’s also incredibly rewarding. You get to introduce others to a completely different way of life, one that in today’s busy world is entirely foreign.

So take joy in the little moments: a shared sunset, a calm anchorage, or a guest seeing amazing marine life for the first time. Don’t stress about being the perfect host. And remember you can’t control the weather, only your attitude and outlook about it!

Be prepared, too: working onboard will change you.

One interesting observation that some GLY rally crews made was that by embarking on a life-changing experience, you will naturally become a different person.

“You can’t sail around the world for three years and not change,” one noted.

Visiting friends and family will be meeting the ‘new you’ for the first time, and some patience and grace may be needed for the readjustment phase!

Many rally and round the world crews also report building confidence as their mileage increases – often inviting guests as additional crew for ocean crossings early in the circumnavigation, but confidently sailing double-handed by the ‘return’ passage.

Top rules for a happy boat

Ahead of the three-year Grand Large Yachting Odyssey around the world rally, previous participants shared some of their learnings and wisdom with those about to set off this autumn at a ‘GLY University’.

One popular seminar was on how to manage friends and family on board.

Our editor Helen Fretter reports on some of the key points shared:

• You can plan a time, or a place to meet – but not both. Never be forced into making a poor weather or routing decision because you have a tight deadline to collect guests or arriving crew.
• Write down your boat rules and advice and send it to anyone joining your boat in advance. Don’t be shy – many Odyssey crews developed detailed six-page documents over the course of the rally.
• Establish your role as ‘skipper’ early – a safety tour and briefing going over the boat rules on arrival can be a good way to reinforce this. This can be particularly tricky when welcoming parents, elder siblings or long-standing friends as it may be different from your usual dynamic.
• Taking guests on passage can give you additional crew/hands on board, but with the trade off that it may bring additional people who could suffer seasickness if not acclimatised to life at sea, as well as requiring additional food/power/water/bunk space etc.
• If joining you in a far-flung country, visiting friends and family will likely have spent a considerable amount on airfares and be looking to make it a longer trip. Suggest they split their time between a hotel (to acclimatise or recuperate after a passage etc) and on board.
• Having loved ones join you can be a wonderful way to share the adventure – but it can naturally limit the time you spend with other rally participants (and potentially taking part in a rally programme you’ve paid for), or meeting other cruisers en route. Make it clear to guests that you’ll need to spend time with others off the boat as well.
• Set expectations early if welcoming girlfriends/boyfriends of adult children, especially those in newer relationships or non-sailors.

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