What an Olympic judo gold medalist taught me (Part 1 of 2)
With the 2024 Paris Olympics almost underway, I wanted to share with you an amazing tragedy-to-triumph Olympian story that will inspire you as much as it has my wife Gena and me. In so doing, I will also discuss an issue that is often overlooked in the culture wars.
Kayla Harrison is today a 34-year-old American professional mixed martial artist (MMA), multiple Olympic gold medalist and world champion judoka – an expert in judo.
During the 2012 London Olympic games, Kayla, then 22, had four fights in five hours, and she won the first three bouts by ippon, the judo equivalent of boxing’s knockout.
As a result, she won America’s first-ever gold medal in judo! And I believe she will be a first-rate UFC titleholder!
As impressed as we’ve been with Kayla’s Olympic and subsequent MMA career the past decade, it’s what she personally overcame that Gena and I have never forgotten and continues to be a model for millions.
Kayla’s personal story might not be easy for some to read. But I think it contains an issue we can’t and shouldn’t ignore today. And, most of all, her story shows us all how she – and we – can move from tragedy to triumph in our own lives.
Her epic tale of conquest is that she achieved her Olympic dreams after suffering years of sexual abuse at the hands of her childhood coach, a trusted family friend 16 years her senior who molested her from 12 to 16 years of age, maybe earlier.
Back then, Time magazine summarized the outcome: “Harrison’s mother eventually found out about the abuse, through one of her daughter’s friends, and reported [Daniel] Doyle to the police. In November 2007, Doyle pleaded guilty to a count of ‘engaging in illicit sexual conduct in a foreign place.’ Some of the abuse took place while Doyle and Harrison traveled overseas for judo tournaments. He’s serving a 10-year federal prison sentence.”
Kayla’s journey to Olympic gold, as well as her triumph over tragedy, models a path that victims of any form of abuse or past entrapments can take to attain recovery, freedom, and one’s dreams.
Here are a few of those inspirational lessons that her life and actions still teach and remind us:
(1) Don’t let being a victim define or paralyze you anymore than it already has tried; rather, use it as a catalyst to grow, overcome, and fuel victory.
The U.K.’s Guardian reported how Kayla said everything in her life – the good, the bad, and the ugly – was used to help her overcome and reach her goals: “Kind of just reflecting back on my life. Everything it’s taken to get here, and everything that I’ve gone through.”
Kayla reminded me of a critical fact in personal growth: Our past can be the fire for victory in our present; it doesn’t have to paralyze and enslave you. Triumph over trauma can be our greatest achievement because it helps us in myriad ways.
In her own words, Kayla said her journey “is proof that you’re only a victim if you allow yourself to be. Nothing can stop you.”
(2) Surround yourself with people who will push –and sometimes even pull – you toward healing, wholeness, and your goals.
Kayla and her mother wisely knew that she alone couldn’t overcome her assailant’s effects or achieve her athletic dreams, so they searched far and wide for reputable, safe, and healthy coaches.
They discovered them in the two-time Olympic medal winner, Jimmy Pedro Jr., and his father, who together got Kayla into therapy, rebuilt her confidence, and trained her to be a judo champion.
Just as the instructors in our KICKSTART KIDS program serve as positive mentors and models for their martial arts students, the Pedros served as catalysts for change for Kayla. So, at age of 16, she moved in with 10 other of Pedro’s students, who all lived in the safety of the same apartment.
But if you think Kayla had an inherent Olympic mindset when she arrived, think again.
Again, Time reported how Jimmy Pedro Jr. explained just how low Kayla was when she arrived under their tutelage: “She was not in a good state of mind. She was somebody who had no self-esteem. She didn’t know, really, right from wrong. She was somebody who didn’t know if she wanted to go on with life or not.”
Pedro recounted how once he even discovered Harrison on the roof of a two-story apartment, wondering whether or not she should jump. “It was just a very, very, very low point.”
Kayla even confessed just how low she was and how pivotal the help of the Pedros and other teammates were during this critical time, when her past even robbed her of the joy of her sport: “I hated judo. I hated the Pedros. I didn’t want to be the strong girl. I didn’t want to be the golden girl, I didn’t want to be the one who overcame everything.”
But, in time, the Pedros and Kayla’s fellow judo students encouraged her not to give up.
She reflected, “That’s why I owe all of this to the Pedros, to my teammates. They’re the ones who got me out of bed in the morning and said, ‘We’re going to lift.’ They’re the ones who picked me off the mat when I was crying and wanted to quit. I’m forever grateful to them for that.”
It’s a fact in becoming a champion: Those who are around you can define your success, or your path to it. Your environment will shape you, for better or worse – you can count on it. So let your closest friends and colleagues be champions of your improvement.
As the magnet states on the refrigerator of Catherine McCall a licensed marriage and family therapist – as well as sexual-abuse victim and overcomer herself – and a passionate advocate and educator of victims of child abuse: “There are people who take the heart out of you, and there are people who put it back.” (Attributed to Elizabeth David)
That’s why I’ve always believed we all need a team of people around us who support, love and encourage us in a host of ways: mentally, physically, spiritually, etc. The acrostic for T.E.A.M. is so true: “Together everyone achieves more.”
Or as I like to say it, you can’t soar with eagles if you run with turkeys!
(3) Make a commitment to keep stepping forward, however small the baby steps or reeling the relapses; mark your progress; celebrate the small victories and the major milestones.
Read, learn, challenge yourself and grow. As the Shattering the Silence website notes, “Education and awareness are essential to both prevention and healing.”
Kayla explained that her healing is an ongoing process; it didn’t happen all at once. In fact, far from it. It was a long grueling climb out of the pit from abused girl to Olympic gold champion.
She explained: “It wasn’t one particular moment. It was a collection of moments. It was my teammates picking me up and making me go to practice and making me go to lifting. It was Jimmy getting me back in school and me going to see a therapist. And me sort of collecting the pieces of my life and putting them back together.”
That’s exactly what Kayla has done and been doing the last 10 years as she now offers others help through her “Fearless Foundation” and her insightful and powerful book, “Fighting Back: What an Olympic Champion’s Story Can Teach Us about Recognizing and Preventing Child Sexual Abuse – and Helping Kids Recover.”
However, Kayla’s proudest accomplishment was becoming the mother of two beautiful children!
Kayla is vivid proof of what the Good Book says: “What others mean for harm, God can turn around and use for the good.”
In Part 2 next Monday, I will reflect on three more lessons from Olympic champion Kayla’s success which we all can learn from to overcome the pains of the past.
One last thing: Too many people don’t know that judo is a part of the summer Olympics. So, don’t forget to tune in to (or set your DVR for) the men and women Judo tournaments from Saturday, Jul 27, 2024 – Saturday, Aug 3, 2024.
(For further reflection and help on the tough issue of sexual abuse, I encourage again that you check out the website Shattering the Silence and by reading some of the many free online Psychology Today articles by Catherine McCall, M.S., L.M.F.T., a licensed marriage and family therapist, victim and overcomer of sexual abuse herself, who is also the author of a life-changing and inspirational book, “When the Piano Stops: A Memoir of Healing from Sexual Abuse.”)
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