SAY NO TO SEPPUKU
Come in from the dark my friend, we have so much to talk about, but one thing is for sure… you can’t protect your feelings this year. Hope wasn’t some foolish one-night stand this year; it was a relationship we had cemented with a ring and a gender reveal party that killed the family dog. I said until death do us part on this campaign… and I’ll be god damned if I’m not seeing this week out as positively as I possibly can.
You think I won’t hold Arteta accountable if he f*cks up this season? Despite my telling you all season, the reason I’ve been so harsh on certain players is that this is the year it MUST happen? Are you mad?
We’re still living in a world of no excuses as far as I’m concerned… but I believe he’s going to pull it off, because this is life or death for his Arsenal reputation. The job that he’s done to date has been exceptional; no one can doubt it. We’ve gone from nobodies to one of the most feared teams in Europe. No one likes playing us. We’re top of the Premier League. We’re possibly heading to our 4th EVER Champions League semi-final. We’re in a better position now than we were in March when it comes to the league and the Champions League.
On paper. No nuance. No context. This is exactly what we can all collectively agree we have wanted from Arsenal. F*ck your views on style for now, Arsenal are at the pinnacle of where they need to be as a club. On top of that, best win rate ever, 2nd most goals in the Premier League (one behind), least conceded, unbeaten in the Champions League.
We’re heading into a week that could see us move to a semi, most likely against Atleti… and we could beat Man City at the Etihad, and make it very low probability they can catch us.
This is good. It deserves your support. It doesn’t need your views on aesthetics; no one cares what you think of Gyokeres or Madueke, and people at the club shouldn agree we don’t need any more ‘bring your dinner, bring your lunch’ pep talks, and we certainly don’t want any more AI slop motivational moves
Let it all play out. If you think the inevitability of a collapse is incoming, great, that’ll allow you to watch the week with less pressure. But you should be a good partner and STFU until you have the honour of I TOLD YOU SO, which you can spend all summer cashing in.
The nuance on all the above is Arsenal are in a shambles right now. Arteta is using his press conference to infer that the captain should man up and play through the pain. The squad is so dead, Arteta is bringing a bag of corporate gimmicks to training so cringe, Gervais would pass on them if he was offered them as script fodder for The Office. We know there’s a very good chance Arsenal could have all the important pieces available for Sunday, but we know, even if that’s true, they’ll be unfit… and judging by the last 6 weeks, probably a little meek.
This week is stacked against us. We have to play a City side who will have no midweek game. They’ll have a lot of time to spend with the most winning coach in the league, with the winds of momentum in their sails.
But… if you want my most toxic-positive view of their form?
It’s all a f*cking mirage.
Their big wins have come against big clubs in big trouble.
Newcastle… total averageness since they let Eddie Howe build the club with his nephew.
Smashing Liverpool as they down tools on Arne Slot.
Beasting Chelsea as LinkedIn Liam exercises his cultural principles by suspending his best player for Man City as they chase Champions League spots.
Every time they’ve played teams with something on the line, they get into trouble.
They lost to a Madrid side that doesn’t like to run, TWICE. Managed by Arbeloa, who speaks glowingly of his servitude to King Mbappe with no smile on his face. They drew to Forest. They drew to West Ham.
City will be heading into this game with a false sense of ‘we’re amazing’ and that is an opportunity.
Question is, who shows up from Arsenal, and in what state?
If you have Timber, you are 40% better. You have someone who can receive the ball centrally and move it forward, and you have an unreal player in one vs one situations.
Myles cannot be put out against City. It has to be Hincapie. He is a proper defender. We need that. Even if his distribution is poor.
The most important player is our captain. We don’t just need his leadership, we need his skillset, because his absence right now is causing us 2 problems.
We aren’t as technically secure and we aren’t creative enough.
If Odegaard is out, Kai can’t play as a number 9. That means we have to roll out Gyokeres, who is not at the level.
Don’t get pissed at me on number 2, just look at what Iraola did in the second half when they left one defender to take care of him. He is so bad, he’s a tactical opportunity for Man City if he starts.
Let’s be dispassionate here. We have a very good chance of exiting this game with a point. We are the best defensive team in the world. If we have our best players available, we can get something from this game.
The only question is what Arteta does.
Does he train his players 9 times with a Champions League game?
Does he ship them to an army barracks, put them in a shipping container naked, and have them hosed down with cold milkshake to the tune of Korn to teach them the value of winning duels in spring? Or does he back off and trust the players to understand what is ahead of them?
Everything is against us right now… but sometimes, that’s when the true greats show up and do their thing.
The players are at a crossroads. Push this over the line, create history, become eternal. F*ck it up because you’re worried about 4 games in the summer, tar yourself as losers, become a laughing stock of softboys.
I have faith this is our season. I’m not throwing myself off the ship early so I can get on the lifeboat. I’m staying until the end, even if it means ridicule. It’s better to be a sicko who goes down with the ship than be a coward who gets a lot of likes on YouTube from oppo fans by giving up. Our players deserve our full support. Die on the battlefield, don’t accept seppuku, or reward the meek cucks who are telling you that’s the better way?
I know my stance this week. All in. This is an Arsenal week we’ll remember for the rest of our lives for all the right reasons.
Ok, that’s me done. See you in hell. x