DESTRUCTION OF A MONSTER - WHAT HAVE ARSENAL BECOME?
The energy around Arsenal this season is just different. You can see it, feel it, deep it, however you want to emotion it… this just feels like a new Arsenal has emerged. If this were an 80s high school film, we’re the nerd after the glasses come off. We’re Rocky Balboa in the 11th round. This is Maximus Decimus Meridius, father to a murdered Premier League season, husband to a murdered Champions League season. And we will have our vengeance, literally this season.
I don’t think there’s a better way to show the world your credentials than absolutely battering Atletico Madrid. Diego Simeone is a party spoiler. He’s the guy you call to turn off the hot water on a season. He has nasty tactics, dark arts, a black hole of a squad that just sucks energy out of well-meaning football teams… but he had nothing against Arsenal. Mikel Arteta and his squad humiliated Atletico and Simeone had no answers.
4-0 and it could have been more. We controlled every aspect of the game. We were more physical, more aggressive, better on the ball, we had an outrageous setup, and we slashed through them like Wolverine working his way through an abattoir.
The breakthrough didn’t come until the second half, but don’t kid yourself that this game was ever close. They didn’t hit the target until the 78th minute. The first half was Simeone on the touchline totally lost as to what Arsenal were doing to them. Another game under 1 xG. We’re making a habit of that this season.
As Arsenal fans, the temptation is always to feel pretty nervy about what’s going to happen in games like that. UCL PTSD takes you back to nights against Italian clubs where the domination was fake, and you’d get sucker punched late on, waking up to headlines like “NAIVE ARSENAL SMACKED UP AGAIN.”
Well, this is a different Arsenal side. We opened the scoring from another set piece. Declan whipped a free kick in from the left, Big Gabi made a jagged run into the middle of the box, leapt unchallenged, and nodded past Oblak. What a brilliant goal. His celebration was unfurling the corner flag and pointing to the Arsenal crest. That man LOVES the club.
The second goal came from a Myles marauding run from central midfield. He shielded the ball from Atleti players at the halfway line, powered past everyone with a swift change of direction, then clipped a lovely short pass into Martinelli, who punched a low shot exquisitely inside the far post. It was VERY Thierry Henry.
You can imagine how I felt. I’d called for this guy to be moved on. Exited. He wasn’t at the level I said. At least that’d be the only error in judgment I’d have to answer for.
WRONG.
My favorite worst nightmare happened. Viktor Gyökeres showed me the way. He guided me to the light and dared me to dream about his abilities.
… and god damn it I dreamed.
The big man was doing all the usual things he gets praise for. Running, falling over, miscontrolling, getting some really nice shots off, staying onside… but then he did something magisterial. He picked up a loose ball in the box and clattered a meek shot into the goal off an Atleti player’s legs. A goal uglier than a baby mole. So gross, in fact, he looked a little bit sheepish pulling out that Bane mask celebration.
But he wasn’t done. My man, known for being quite poor from set pieces, made it count. A long ball to the back post, nodded back into the six-yard box by BIG GABS, then hipped in from 0.5 yards.
Remember Thierry scored a goal from a yard out and his celebration was a shrug? That was this. He whipped out the Bane mask again, Big Gabi came in from behind and did it over his eyes (not sure he understands it really). All the boys rallied around a guy who’s been doing dog’s work all season and shared the moment in front of everyone.
Did I feel guilty?
No f*cking way.
Give me my 54 goals and we’ll talk about feelings.
Jokes aside, that’s what I want from him. We’ll never get all the accoutrements I associate with my kind of striker. But if we get hipped goals and tap-ins, I’ll be very happy, because we just haven’t had players who can do that. Last night felt very Franny Jeffers FOX IN THE BOX. Or Thierry explaining that David Trezeguet was a better striker because he had a sixth sense and knew where to be at all times for the tap-ins.
So, we’re now fully into the season. Eleven proper games in the two competitions we actually care about. What have we learned?
We can cope without our best players.
The new players are adding dimensions Arteta has never had access to.
The squad is incredibly unpredictable and no one is sulking.
Our defence is the best on the planet right now and it’s not even close.
The manager is now managing loads in a way that suggests he has recognized he is working with humans.
The margins at the very top of football are tight. The only thing missing from Arsenal over the past three seasons has been good load management and world-class depth. We’ve had a top-five coach in world football the whole time. Just look at what we were doing in the Premier League with all those injuries last season.
Now we have a genuinely terrifying squad, you are starting to see what a freak of a manager we have.
There’s a long way to go. Last night was a massive high, but there will be some lows. But my gut says if we avoid injuries, we will win a major trophy this season.
You feel it too, right? Yes. We all feel it.
Ok, that’s me done. Get in the comments you fiends. x
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