16 signs you’re a horse addict

Do any of the following ring a bell? Or do you have other traits that set you apart from non-horse addicts?

1. You can only assume that when others talk about “spare income” they’re referring to their “equestrian kit budget”.

2. When you tread on a nail after the farrier’s visit, you avoid the doctor’s by poulticing your foot, securing it neatly with vetwrap.

3. You’ve been known to use Kaolin as a facemask, and Mane n Tail in lieu of conditioner.

4. You are never without minor bruises you can’t precisely explain — most probably the work of barn door hinges, wheelbarrow handles and pitchforks.

5. You’re yet to see a physio about your sciatica. Your horse, however, has monthly visits from his.

6. At least one of your limbs is set slightly funny — a subtle reminder of a childhood fall (which absolutely was not the pony’s fault).

7. You have a dustpan and brush for your horse’s stable, but none in the house.

8. Your equine has 17 rugs in total. You, meanwhile, have one yard coat that is no-longer waterproof, and two non-yard coats — both of which have holes in the lining.

9. You happily pay £50 to get your horse clipped, but reckon that’s extortion at the hairdressers.

10. Similarly, you reckon anyone would have to be some sort of primadonna to buy themselves a new pair of shoes every other month at £80 a pop. Dobbin, on the other hand, obviously can’t go longer than five weeks.

11. If it’s about to hammer it down with rain mid-afternoon, you rush out to get your horse in so he stays dry, while you end up resembling a drowned rat.

12. Last Valentine’s Day, your loved one bought you a super-duper wheelbarrow (a gift you count as one of the best you’ve ever received).

13. On arrival at a party, you’re every friend’s go-to person for reverse-parking their car into the most unfeasibly small of spaces – they’ve seen you at the helm of that huge lorry.

14. You look at your Dorset Cereals and think: “My horse would love this!”

15. That annoying itch behind your knee, under your tights, is actually a stray piece of hay.

16. You can’t remember a time before horses. And you can’t imagine life without them.

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