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He might have been just casually browsing Hinge and swiping on people without really being that interested in dating

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He might have been just casually browsing Hinge and swiping on people without really being that interested in dating

But you don’t need to act on a crush and you don’t want to round a crush up to “love”, especially when you don’t know that person as well as you think and you’ve never met in person

Here’s the thing: there’re a lot of reasons why someone might not have responded yet. It could be that he’s not terribly active on Hinge and so he hasn’t seen that you responded or hasn’t logged in to see your message. You, after all, were super-busy before you messaged him; the same could be true on his end. Or it could be that he’s shy and isn’t sure how to respond. Alternately, he feels like it’s been too long for him to reply and now it would be awkward if he did.

Or – and this one always kinda sucks – it could be that he’s not that interested. Alternately, he might have matched with you, but decided to pursue something with someone else who messaged him before you did. Or – in what is the most unfortunate but likely scenario – he wasn’t that into you but swiped right on you just in case. Women, on the other hand, tend to only swipe on people they’re actually into. So many times, women will match with somebody that they really liked, only to discover that he was just trying to get a little serotonin boost from seeing the number on the notification badge go up.

This, unfortunately, is a really common thing that men do, especially on dating apps with swiping or “yes/no” mechanics: they swipe right on everyone in order to maximize potential matches, and then decide who they’re actually interested in after they match

What you don’t want to do, however, is jump to a different app to to try to connect with him BHM dating online. Or take it offline for that matter. This is a thing that a lot of guys do; they may get rejected on Tinder or Hinge, but message that person on Instagram instead in hopes of trying to get a second shot. It’s intrusive, it’s cringey and it’s an indication that they feel like their desire to get a date (or a blowjob or…) overrides her stated lack of interest. And while the dynamics are different when you reverse the genders – on average, women pose far less of a physical threat to men than men do to women – it’s still intrusive and not cool. Doing so in person is, likewise, not cool, for much the same reason; it ends up tells the person that you’re ignoring what is, in all likelihood, a soft no, because you don’t like the answer.

I say this because, at the end of the day, no answer is an answer. It’s “I’m not interested”, and that’s the end of the discussion. If he is interested, but hasn’t gotten back to you for reasons… well, he knows you messaged him. It’s on him to make the next move.

And if you do run into him in person… I wouldn’t bring this up unless he does. You can chat, flirt and see if the in-person interaction makes things easier than the potential awkward of a late reply on a dating app, and “hey, you never responded to my message on Hinge” can be a cute thing to discuss down the line if the two of you hit it off and go on a date or two. But unless that happens, bringing it up is going to be more cringe-inducing than romance-facilitating.

I see that it’s that time of year again when I have to talk about not just parasocial relationships, but online-only relationships as well.

So here’s the thing: you had a parasocial relationship with her that turned into a crush. And hey, crushes are great! Crushes feel amazing. And – I hate to say this – but intensity isn’t the measure of the depth of feeling. You may have intense feelings for somebody, but that’s not the same thing as “true love”, my dude. What you have is limerence; it’s a type of crush that’s marked by intrusive thoughts about the crush-object and a deep, almost obsessive emotional fixation on the other person.

We happen to attend the same university, and we have a mutual friend or two. We’ve never spoken in person, but would it be weird to friend him on Instagram (in hopes that he replies to my message on Hinge)? Thanks in advance-I really want this to work out with this guy!

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