The 101 Funniest Dad Jokes To Help You Pun Your Way Through Any Situation

Regardless of whether a man is an actual father, every dude loves a good dad joke. But what are dad jokes? And what makes the best dad jokes? On some level, you could say, that these are jokes so fundamentally unfunny that just by telling the joke, you become funny by accident. Or is it on purpose?

Perhaps it's in the grey area of accidentally on purpose funny and not funny, that all great dad jokes live. Can the formula of a great dad joke be defined? We're not sure. But we do know a good dad joke when we see it. And, if these kinds of puns don't come naturally to you, don't worry. Here's a list of 101 of the best, cleanest, punniest, weirdest, grossest, and groan-inducing dad jokes we could find.

Clean, Corny Dad Jokes

1. What do you call a shoe made of banana peels?
Slippers.

2. I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage
The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity!

3. I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long
There’s just something fishy about that place!

4. Why can't dinosaurs clap their hands?
Because they're all extinct.

5. What did the tree say to the wind?
Leaf me alone!

6. What's the best thing about elevator jokes?
They work on so many levels.

7. Why shouldn't you tell jokes about peanut butter?
They might spread around.

8. He didn't like his beard at first.
But then it grew on him.

9. That guy always gives away all his dead batteries.
They're free of charge.

10.Why can't dinosaurs clap their hands?
Lady Ba Ba.

11. My dog just ate a $100 bill.
I guess he has expensive taste.

12. Why did the employee at the calendar company get fired?
He took a day off.

13. What's the brightest fish in the sea?
A starfish.

14. Why do melons have weddings?
Because they cantaloupe.

15. What's the difference between elephants and grapes?
Grapes are purple.

16. What kind of cats are good at bowling?
Alley cats.

17. What do you get when the air conditioning in a rabbit hole stops working?
Hot crossed bunnies.

18. What does a cat rest on at night?
A caterpillow.

19. When is a door not a door?
When it's ajar.

20. What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fiiiiiiish.

21. How did Cinderella's cat get to the ball?
With the help of her Furry Godmother.

22. What do trash collectors eat?
Junk food.

23. What did the scarf say to the hat?
You go ahead. I'll hang around.

24. What happened after the cat ate the clown fish?
It felt funny.

25. Why did the painting go to jail?
Because it was framed.

26. What do you always get on your birthday?
One year older.

27. I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I just don't know Y.

28. What do find in the middle of the ocean?
The letter "e."

29. How do tuna and cod watch the news?
On telefishion.

30. When a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?

Weird Dad Jokes

31. Why did Captain Hook cross the road?
To get to the second-hand store.

32. What did the cow say to the leather chair?
"Hi, Mom!"

33. Hard work pays off later.
Laziness pays off now.

34. The guy who stole my diary went missing.
My thoughts are with his family.

35. I threw a boomerang months ago.
Now I live in constant fear.

36. What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?
Lily.

37. "I'm sorry" and "I apologize" usually mean the same thing.
But not at a funeral.

38. How can you make your money go a long way?
Put your money in a rocket.

39. What sits on the seabed and shakes?
A nervous wreck.

40. How is a telephone exactly like Gollum?
Both have important rings.

41. What does the fog say to the boat?
I mist you.

42. What do you get when you cross a snake with a pie?
A pie-thon.

43. Why should you stand in a corner if you're cold?
Because they're 90 degrees.

44. Did you hear about the fragile myth?
It was busted.

45. What is the best present?
Broken drums! You can't beat them.

46. What do you call a criminal landing an airplane?
Condescending.

47. How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.

48. Why couldn’t the tree get on his computer?
Because he could not log on.

49. What did the grape say when it got stepped on?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

50. Why didn't the cake like to play golf with the donut?
Because he always got a hole-in-one.

51. Justice is a dish best served cold.
Otherwise, it's just water.

52. What has thousands of ears but can't hear a thing?
A field of corn.

53. Where do werewolves live?
In warehouses.

54. Why do eggs make such good fighter pilots?
Because they can scramble really fast.

55. What did the paper say to the pencil?
Write on!

56. Why was the drum so sleepy?
He was beat!

57. What is a tree's favorite drink?
Root beer.

58. What kind of snake is 3.14 feet long?
A Pi-Thon.

59. What did the mayo say when the refrigerator door was opened?
Close the door — I'm dressing!

60. I stayed up all night wondering how the sun works...
and then it dawned on me.

61. What did the lunch box say to the refrigerator?
Don't hate me because I'm a little cooler.

62. What's a skeleton's favorite type of road?
A dead end.

63. What did the alien say to the landscaper?
Take me to your weeder

64. I tried to make up a joke about ghost but I couldn't.
It had plenty of spirit but no body.

65. I once submitted 10 puns to a joke competition. I really thought with that many, one was sure to be a winner.
Sadly, no pun in ten did

66. What do mermaids use to wash their fins?
Tide.

67. What’s a dog’s favorite superhero?
Labra-Thor.

68. What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef!

69. What do you say when a chicken is looking at salad?
Chicken sees a salad.

70. What family does the zebra belong to?
Can't say, none of the families in our neighborhood owns a zebra.

Gross Dad Jokes

71. If you’re an American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
A Euro-peein’.

72. What do you call it when a cartoon cat comes to life and starts to poop?
It's litter-ally just doing its business.

73. What do you call it when someone puts a party dress on a garbage bag?
Strapless mess.

74. Why were Piglet and Eeyore spending so much time in the bathroom?
They were looking for Pooh.

75. What do you call it when someone always sits on their food before eating it?
A bottom feeder.

76. What did Spock find in the toilet of the Starship Enterprise?
The Captain's log.

77. What did one toilet say to another?
You look a bit flushed.

78. Why do mice need oiling?
Because they squeak.

79. What's hairy and sneezes?
A coconut with a cold?

Groan-Inducing Dad Jokes

80. Why did the Rolling Stones stop making music?
Because they got to the bottom of the hill.

81. I made a song about a tortilla once...
But, now it's more like a wrap.

82. Why did the coffee taste like dirt?
Because it was ground just a few minutes ago.

83. What do the letter A and a rose have in common?
"Bs" come after them.

84. What wears shoes but has no feet?
A sidewalk.

85. Why do rabbits have fur coats?
They look terrible in leather jackets.

86. How do cats make coffee?
In the purrcolator.

87. Why does a milking stool only have three legs?
Because the cow has the udder.

88. If you have 17 eggs in one hand and 13 apples in the other hand, what do you have?
Freakishly big hands.

89. Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?
The scientists were brainstorming.

90. What do you call a one-legged giraffe?
Eileen.

91. Where do you find Spain?
On a map.

92. What do you call a man with a shovel on his head?
Doug.

93. I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went.
And then it dawned on me.

94. What do you call it when James Bond is taking a bath?
Bubble-Oh Seven.

95. What did the policeman say when a spider crawled down his back?
"You're under a vest!"

96. How did the cow transport his stuff?
He used a moo-ving truck.

97. My brother recently got flattened by a pile of books.
He only has his shelf to blame.

98. What of key opens a banana?
A Monkey!

99. Why did the egg have a day off?
Because it was Fryday.

100. I was making a joke about retirement...
It did not work.

101. What should you always say when you put a car in reverse?
"Ah, this takes me back."