On the road …

It has been a long time since I traveled alone without any particular itinerary. If I have a mandate at all for myself it is to slow down my pace and drift.

That has proven a tall order as I find myself encountering moments of unexpected grief coupled with the inclination to fill my days from end to end rather than allowing them to unfold. Still … I’ve been managing to find that sweet spot. The first, I think, on the ferry from the Roman port of Civitavecchia to Palermo.

I had actually booked a stateroom for myself — a lovely little space with a window out to the sea. Having fallen asleep early, I woke up at around 3:00 AM. Making my way to the main area of the ferry, I passed by sleeping bodies in seats and on benches, before getting a cappuccinno from the lone barman.  We chatted for a bit, before I took my coffee out to the deck. The sea, the warm air, the lightening from a distant thunderstorm embracing me in the moment. I felt myself become the breezes. The bits of spray from the water as the ship steadfastly made its way across the Tyrrhenian Sea. Felt for the first time in many months a feeling of peace and the beginnings of drift I’d come to Italy to find.

I’m coming to my third week soon. I’ve been to Rome, Palermo, Malta to visit my friends Jocelyn and Tom, the ferry to back to Sicily, although that was less than two hours versus the thirteen to Palermo. Still as a travel day it had its own magic, along with the taxi ride up to Ragusa Ibla.

Now in Ortigia, Sicily … having found a cafe with WIFI, quite the surprise I’ll add, my days have more and more of those moments. Those pieces of time where I am free within myself. Yes, going to museums and all of the other “supposed to sees” that one encounters, but I also have given myself the permission to do nothing. To have a pajama day.  To start to unpeel the layers of a lifetime with Jed enough so that I do not cry every time a photo of him appears on my iPhone.

And so it goes …