Doctor Curmudgeon Members of the White House Staff

By Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D. FAAP Doctor Eisman is in Family Practice in Aventura, Florida with her partner, Dr. Eugene Eisman, an internist/cardiologist

I have a delightful, somewhat prankish and incredibly smart young cousin by the name of Sebastian. He comes from the canine branch of the Curmudgeon family. Sebastian is also a handsome lad, being part Husky and part Samoyed.

His teacher had assigned a day for the students to read their essays on any subject they wanted.

I am fortunate to be given consent to present Sebastian’s essay here.

Today, a former White House staff member visited our class.

We actually paid attention to this famous speaker because we had read about him in newspapers and seen him on television news.

It was German Shepherd Major Biden!

He had been much maligned and we listened respectfully to his story.

Major had served in the White House from January 20, 2021 to December 21, 2021. He resigned his position amidst a great flap over some protective incidents over his dad, President Biden.

Major has been seriously misunderstood. And as he said to us, “Who among you wouldn’t rush in to protect a loved one from possible danger?” He explained that you never knew if someone was just posing as a security guard or secret service agent to get close to his father and harm him.

Major talked about other staff members who had been unjustly accused of incidents. He said that Franklin D. Roosevelt had a family member who was also a German Shepherd called Major, and he attacked the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, Ramsay Macdonald. He actually tore off the PM’s pants. But this was certainly justified because who knew what he was concealing in his pants?

And then there was a bull terrier by the name of Pete, who was a relative of Theodore Roosevelt. He had bitten several suspects and also went for the pants of Jean Jules Jusserand who was the U.S Ambassador of France.

We asked Major what he was doing now, since he was no longer a member of the President’s staff.

He said that he was happy to be living back in the serenity of the family home in Delaware. He has his own private study which connects to his dad’s study. Recently he has been traveling on speaking tours. When he’s home, he continues to work on a biography of his father, President Biden.

Listening to this eloquent German Shepherd speak led me to do some research on other non-human family members who had served in the White House.

Our founding father, George Washington had a horse called Nelson and many canines in his family. They were not actually residents of the White House because it hadn’t been built, but they served as part of the President’s staff.

I learned that in1879, President Rutherford B. Hayes’ wife Lucy appointed the first Siamese cat to the White House Staff.

Dick was a mockingbird who bonded with Thomas Jefferson and loved to fly around the president’s study. I have no idea if he was house trained, but I imagine that it was quite messy in that study
And what about President Andrew Jackson’s parrot? This bird was really nasty. He used to swear a lot and had the foulest language. He would just appear wherever he wanted. Talk about being spoiled! Diplomacy probably went out the window (where they should have sent that parrot). I shudder to think about it.

In my research I learned more than I wanted to know. I found that two alligators had actually been part of the White House staff and lived in the conservatory. I have no idea what their official function was—and I don’t really want to know.

It was a joy to listen to Major Biden and to know that he is well and happy with family and friends in Delaware.

I look forward to reading his book.

Dr. Curmudgeon suggests “Bitter Medicine”, Dr. Eugene Eisman’s story of his experiences–from the humorous to the intense—as a young army doctor serving in the Vietnam War.
Bitter Medicine by Eugene H. Eisman, M.D. –on Amazon

Doctor Curmudgeon® is Diane Batshaw Eisman, M.D., a physician-satirist. This column originally appeared on SERMO, the leading global social network for doctors.
SERMO www.sermo.com

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