I Miss Who You Were Before MAGA (Part 1)
By Sharon Synowsky
Dear A,
We started our jobs as cocktail waitresses at Nick’s on the same evening in April of 1995. We had a lot in common and quickly became friends. We hung out together after work, when we were off work, during work…You, me, K & N.
When the apartment below yours & N’s became available, I took it. We would just pop in on each other, no knocking, no waiting for an invitation. We cooked and had meals together. Our group of 4 was inseparable. Even after we left the service industry and got “real” jobs, we 4 had Girls’ night 4 times a week. Trivia night, going to see our favorite bands, dinners out, or just sipping wine and talking about life.
When N. moved home to help take care of her Mom, you and K got a place together. And the 4 of us still spent so much time together (N not as much, but she came out when she could).
We took trips together, including the fateful day you dragged me to your boyfriend’s friend’s camp. That’s where I met Tim, the love of my life. And as fate would have it, we both moved to Butler, PA for love. I was in your wedding, and you were in mine.
We had children around the same time. I had 2 boys and you had 2 girls. They played together, and we watched over them while drinking coffee and talking about life. You were there for me when Tim died. I focused on helping my young sons through their grief. You helped by taking care of the mundane things I just couldn’t bring myself to do, like cleaning, laundry, and remembering to take care of myself. You helped me pack when I decided to move back to Allegheny County to be closer to my family.
I was there for you when your marriage ended. I drove to Butler every weekend to hang out and listen to your fears, hopes and plans for your future without B. We helped each other heal and create a new normal for ourselves and our children.
Then along came 2015. Trump came down the escalator and you started down the MAGA rabbit hole. At first, it was just normal political leanings. But as the MAGA cult became louder and crazier, so did you. I had to distance myself. You went from being open-minded, kind, and accepting of others’ differences to adopting the conspiracies, the hateful rhetoric, the intolerance of MAGA.
I kept in touch spottily, hoping our conversations wouldn’t involve politics. Inevitably, they did, because you would start in with the newest MAGA conspiracy.
The break came in January, 2021. Not because of the Insurrection on J6. Not because you were “full-on Q-Anon”. Because of a Facebook post you made shortly after my Dad died of Covid. I don’t remember the exact post verbatim, but the gist was an Alex Jones-style conspiracy saying Covid was fake, the deep state was lying to keep us in our homes and afraid while they did some shady thing. I would have just rolled my eyes and kept scrolling if you didn’t take it further. You wrote that the stories about and videos we’d been seeing, depicting how funeral homes and morgues were running out of room because people were dying in numbers too great to accommodate were “false flags”. You wrote that no one had died from Covid because Covid wasn’t real.
My anger at my father’s death took me to a place I am not proud of.
I told you I lost my Dad to Covid. I said I have the death certificate to prove it.
I said I laid blame at the feet of your false god, due to his mishandling of the pandemic. I said you people like you were also responsible for every Covid death because you spread these stupid conspiracies and people believe it.
I said you would not only allow Trump to grab your daughters by their p*ssies, but you’d also take a video and post it so you could brag about it.
Cruelest thing I have ever said to anyone.
I apologized a few days later. I said grief and vodka don’t mix and I admitted that was no excuse for what I said. You gave me your condolences and forgiveness. Then we made no further effort and fell out of touch. I don’t think either of us minded.
My apology, although completely heartfelt and sincere, was a lie by omission. What I didn’t say was that my anger was also because I saw how complete your indoctrination had become. My anger was at you allowing it to happen. My anger was losing someone else I loved because of Trump’s lies.
I miss who you were before MAGA.
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