A Very Reasonable Future

You're all probably wondering what will happen in these playoffs. Well, it just so happens that I have a crystal ball and have used it to find that out. The Cleveland Cavaliers and Golden State Warriors will both advance to play each other in the finals for the third straight year. But deep down, you already knew that. So that's kinda boring. What comes after was the unknown. Until now.

Game 1:
Feeling the pressure of blowing a 3-1 lead each in their last year, Curry and Durant both spontaneously implode before the start of the game. Steve Kerr, faced with the prospect of playing lots of Matt Barnes in the finals or having to remember the name of one of his terrible end of bench players, simply walks out of the arena and goes to Festus Ezeli's house to be consoled. With no Curry, no Durant and no coach, the Cavs rout the Warriors on their own floor, 124-72.

Game 2:
Adam Silver allows the return of the true coaching mastermind to Golden State, and Luke Walton takes the reigns for game 2. After Golden State wins the tip, Adam Silver on a whim also decides eliminate quarters and the shot clock to further the Warriors cause. Walton immediately calls timeout and draws up a 48 minute long play where Klay Thompson runs off approximately two million screens before nailing the 3 at the buzzer. Golden State takes game 2, 3-0.

Game 3:
Facing huge amounts of backlash from fans, Silver rescinds the two rule changes he made in game 2 as the series comes to Cleveland. Buoyed by the home fans, the Cavs jump out to an early lead before Walton takes a kick to the face from an angry Draymond Green. When he comes to, he believes it is 2013 and he is still playing for the Cavs. He makes a triumphant return to the Cavs bench, which Lue allows and then even decides to play him in garbage time, as the Cavs destroy the Warriors 101-65.

Game 4:
Down 2 games to 1, Draymond Green takes it upon himself to right the ship for the Warriors. Having saved up all of his nut kicks over the playoffs for when they were needed most, Draymond manages to down the entire Cavs starting lineup for the night to give the Warriors a fighting chance. A close fought game sees the Warriors take it 87-85, as Draymond nut kicks Deron Williams on his game winning 3 point attempt. Draymond Green finishes with the worlds first 6x5, with nut kicks officially added as 'natural movements' to the box score. Unfortunately, with the final nut kick coming at the end of the game, the last two minute report forces the league into action and Draymond is suspended for the remainder of the series.

Game 5:
With Golden State down most of their starting lineup, and still with no coach, the Cavs chillmode their way to an easy win. LeBron posts a final stat line of 35 points, 13 rebounds and 9 assists without even having to change out of his suit as the Cavs take it 96-78.

Game 6:
Sensing the competitiveness of the series slipping away, Adam Silver tries one final strategy to even it out. Popovich comes in to coach, and is allowed to have his pick of any players from teams Golden State defeated on their way to the finals. Dr Popovich also creates Popovich's monster by melding together Zaza Pachulia and JaVale McGee into a single, functional, 14 foot tall centre. The formidable starting lineup of Chris Paul, Klay Thompson, Kawhi Leonard, Blake Griffin and ZaVale McChulia dominate the first half, despite LeBron actually becoming Super Saiyan on court. At halftime, the rest of the Cavs discover and proceed to drink LeBron's secret stuff; a mix of water, passive aggressive tweets and an apathy for the regular season. The invigorated Cavs come out of the half and go on a tear with Super Saiyan Bron to win game 6, 90-81, and become back to back champions. With some minor editing, the league releases the game 6 tape as Space Jam 2, which becomes a huge success and finally cements LeBron's status as the GOAT.

Additionally: Even though you now know the outcome of the next few months, GIF recaps will make their return for each win during the playoffs. Go Cavs.