Super Bowl LIV: The official hard seltzer rankings

Photo credit should read TIMOTHY A. CLARY/AFP via Getty Images

Make sure you’re getting only the best for your Super Bowl parties.

The San Francisco 49ers face off against the Kansas City Chiefs in Super Bowl LIV come Sunday. As you’re planning your Super Bowl party, you may be weighing all of your drink options. That’s where I come in. I’m here to help you outfit your celebration with the best hard seltzer.

Hard seltzers really burst onto the scene in 2019 as beverages like White Claw and Truly started popping up. They’re light, boozy, gluten free, and have less sugar (read: hangovers) than some of their alcoholic counterparts. With the recent releases of the Bud Light and Natty Light seltzers, I thought it was time to figure out which seltzer is the best. I conducted a taste test of eight different brands: Smirnoff, Bold Rock, Omission, Truly, Bud Light, Natural Light, Bon & Viv, and White Claw.

I’m not here for your trash “hard seltzer is bad” takes. You’re wrong.

The seltzers were rated on several factors:

• Flavor (1-10 scale): Pretty simple. How does it taste?
• Drinkability (1-10 scale): Is this a good drink for an event or tailgate? Can you have more than one?
• Miscellaneous (1-5 scale): Does it have a cool can? Are the ads awesome?

In case anyone wants to question the validity and procedure of this very professional endeavor, I took several steps to ensure no seltzer got an advantage. All of them were purchased at the same time (my goodness, that was an embarrassing trip to Harris Teeter), they were all refrigerated in-store, and they were all put in my refrigerator until it was their turn to be tasted. I entered the eight different brands into a random generator to obtain the testing order.

1. Smirnoff
2. Bud Light
3. Bon & Viv
4. Natty Light
5. Omission
6. White Claw
7. Truly
8. Bold Rock

Each one got two normal gulps to assess the beverage, and two lightly salted bagel chips were eaten between brands to cleanse the palate (it’s all I had at home).

Let’s get to it!

8. Omission

Flavor: Pomegranate Blueberry Acai

Alc./VOL: 4 percent

Thoughts: Oh no. I don’t like this at all. The irony of this beverage being named Omission and me wishing I hadn’t picked up the six pack at the store isn’t lost on me in any form or fashion. Omission matches Smirnoff and Bon & Viv with 90 calories a serving, but has the lowest booze level at 4 percent. That means you’re not even getting drunk as you suffer through it.

Taste: 2

Drinkability: 1

Other: 1

Total Score: 4/25

7. Smirnoff Spiked Sparkling Seltzer

Flavor: Raspberry Rosé

Alc./VOL: 4.5 percent

Thoughts: You don’t get much of the raspberry with this one. It doesn’t have a lingering aftertaste, which is good, but you feel a little like you’re drinking a wine cooler that got a little too carbonated. It has a pink tinge to it, which is different from most of the others.

Taste: 5

Drinkability: 4

Miscellaneous: 2

Total Score: 11/25

6. Bold Rock Hard Seltzer

Flavor: Grapefruit

Alc./VOL: 4 percent

Thoughts: I love Bold Rock ciders, but this tasted a lot like a cider that was having an identity crisis. The grapefruit is ... fine. If someone brought this over for a dinner party, I’d gladly partake, but they’d probably hang out in the fridge for a while until someone else came over that wanted one.

Taste: 5

Drinkability: 4

Other: 3

Total Score: 12/25

5. Bon & Viv Spiked Seltzer

Flavor: Black Cherry & Rosemary

Alc./VOL: 4.5 percent

Thoughts: Bon & Viv is one of the first seltzers I had, and it’s ... fine! The black cherry & rosemary flavor is good, but it lingers a little longer than the others. I don’t really think the rosemary part is super necessary, but damn if that can isn’t the coolest of the bunch. That gets them the maximum miscellaneous score of five.

Taste: 7

Drinkability: 6

Other: 5

Total Score: 18/25

4. Truly

Flavor: Black Cherry

Alc./VOL: 5 percent

Thoughts: I like Truly! It’s good! It’s just not my FAVE. They have the most variety (13 flavors!) and they got Keegan-Michael Key to be in their ads:

Taste: 8

Drinkability: 8

Other: 4

Total Score: 20/25

T-2. Natural Light Seltzer

Flavor: Catalina Lime Mixer

Alc./VOL: 6 percent (!)

Thoughts: I might ruffle some feathers, but I hated the movie Step Brothers. I laughed twice: when John C. Reilly said “hello miss lady” and when one of them wore the Chewbacca mask to do taxes (I don’t care enough to look up which of the two horrible characters it was) (Editor’s note: It was Dale).

THAT SAID.

I really appreciate the work Natty — sorry, Natural — Light is doing here. Catalina Lime Mixer is a play on Catalina Wine Mixer, something that I could have brushed off as coincidence if the cans didn’t also say, “When cherry and lime become best friends.”

For that, and the fact they have the normal size 12 oz. cans that can easily fit my coozie collection, they get a full miscellaneous score.

It’s a fresh taste ... the lime is a nice touch. Much like Bud Light, Natural Light knows how to make a beverage that can be drank all day. It’s the booziest of the bunch at 6 percent — so heads up there, folks.

Taste: 8

Drinkability: 9

Other: 5

Total Score: 22/25

T-2. Bud Light Seltzer

Flavor: Black Cherry

Alc./VOL: 5 percent

Thoughts: Oh shit, this is delicious! You get the cherry right away and it’s a crisp flavor. It’s light enough (and no aftertaste) that it’s perfect for a tailgate or day on the lake.

I got a Lyft the night before conducting this taste test and discussed it with the driver (who was wonderfully nice). We both expressed our cynicism at Bud Light creating a seltzer, and he said, “I just think if you end up liking a Bud Light seltzer, you probably have no personality.”

BRB — examining all my life choices.

Taste: 8

Drinkability: 10

Miscellaneous: 4

Total Score: 22/25

1. White Claw

Flavor: Black Cherry

Thoughts: Ahhh, the OG. White Claw is the seltzer that put seltzers on the map. Find me some Instagram ad where there’s a random brand trying to sell you sweatshirts with Baby Yoda holding a Truly? You can’t.

White Claw is one of the brands that have made it into football stadiums around the country — I know for a fact they serve the Black Cherry tall boys at Hard Rock Stadium, I had one* at the Orange Bowl in December — meaning they’ve truly made it as a sports icon.

*More than one.

Taste: 10

Drinkability: 9

Other: 4

Total Score: 23/25