Locked on Lakers Podcast Predictions

Predicting the highlights of the upcoming Locked on Lakers Podcast season

As the new Lakers season draws closer, writers and so-called experts around the league still vary widely on their predictions, regularly placing the team anywhere between fighting for home court advantage in the first round and simply fighting to make the playoffs at all. Regardless of whichever is closer to the truth, the Locked on Lakers podcast will undoubtedly be covering a competitive, playoff caliber team for the first time in the show’s history.

So, after another scan of the schedule, and then an internal review of some of Anthony (and Harrison’s) most unforgettable episodes over the past few seasons, I offer the following predictions for what I believe will be the most priceless and entertaining Locked on Lakers podcast season ever. Let the overreacting begin!

September 28th

On the last show before the preseason starts, a way-too-giddy Anthony Irwin and an even giddier part-time co-host Pete Zayas spend over 40 minutes convincing each other that the Lakers will not only make the playoffs, but that a shot at the #2 seed is a realistic possibility. When wet blanket Harrison Faigen tweets that the guys might be overly optimistic and that just making the playoffs at all this year would be significant progress, Anthony blocks him on Twitter.

October 1st

When the team gets blown out while also looking particularly sloppy in their first preseason game, Anthony hosts a solo pod where he spends just under 22 minutes openly wondering if this will be the year LeBron actually misses the playoffs. By the end he agrees with himself that this is indeed the most likely outcome, then wonders if the Lakers should consider tanking this season.

October 23rd

Having finished the preseason on a five game winning streak the Lakers also start the regular season 3 and 0, leading Harrison to do a guest co-host. After a delirious Anthony spends the first ten minutes talking non-stop about how the team could legitimately compete for the #1 seed in the west, Harrison reminds him that as a member of the media he is no longer a fan and therefore couldn’t really care less. After a full ten seconds of dead silence, Anthony reminds Harrison that this is why he hosts the pod alone now.

November 26th

In his exuberance at the Lakers 15 and 4 start, Anthony spends another Monday solo podcast talking about how many of the teams that were predicted to be better than Lakers are actually overrated, focusing mostly on the recently defeated Utah Jazz. Less than five minutes after he posts the show, Anthony receives an email from David Locke that is just a screen grab of the Godfather scene with the decapitated horse’s head.

December 19th

When D’Angelo Russel drops 40, 12 and 11 in a Laker drubbing, Anthony records a podcast from the fetal position.

January 8th

Someone on NBA Twitter points out that 41 games in, the Lakers wins and losses perfectly mirror the coin flip predictions Anthony made way back in August, causing guest co-host Jorge Sedano to speculate that Anthony may be a witch. Anthony responds that if he was a witch he wouldn’t waste his magical powers on something as mundane as predicting Lakers wins and losses, but instead would cast a spell on a woman way out of his league both physically and financially to marry him, then convince the leader of the world’s largest podcast network to give him multiple shows that he can record from his couch despite any discernible talent, and then he….oh my god you guys, Anthony is a witch.

February 1st

Having been voted into his first All Star game, Lonzo Ball announces that he will probably have to skip the game because of soreness to his left knee. Anthony invites Harrison on again, where they discuss what if anything the Lakers could get for Ball at the trade deadline. When a slightly-more-level-headed Harrison reminds Anthony about this Darius Soriano pre-season post encouraging everyone to embrace the uncertainty, Anthony stares at Harrison with a look of pure hatred while mumbling something about ice-water in his veins, and then he breaks his microphone.

February 6th

When Magic Johnson and Rob Pelinka fail to make a big splash at the trade deadline, Anthony hosts a solo pod titled ‘What would it take to pry Daryl Morey away from Houston’. When he quickly decides it is probably impossible since Morey isn’t a former Laker, he instead spends the bulk of the episode rehashing how Coach Luke Walton and the front office mishandled the Julius Randle situation at the beginning of last season. Anthony ends the podcast by spiraling into a rant about the three minutes and twenty seconds Lance Stephenson played in a game in November.

February 13th

Following an insane three plus weeks where the Lakers alternate between huge wins over teams like Golden State, Houston, Philadelphia and Boston, and even bigger losses to cellar dwellers like Phoenix, the Clippers and Atlanta, Anthony finally reaches his breaking point. In an all-star weekend fever he invites LaVar Ball to co-host an episode, where they argue for 45 minutes about which of them is the crazy one. In a surprise to no one, the winner is everyone listening.

March 8th

In what is becoming an annual ritual, Harrison joins Anthony to announce that he is leaving Silver Screen and Roll yet again, this time to run the new Basketball Index web site started by Cranjis McBasketball (By the way, this could SOOO happen). Anthony laughs for ten straight minutes before breaking his mic again.

March 15th

Instead of covering the huge road win against the Toronto Raptors from the night before, Anthony welcomes surprise guest Harrison Faigen back on the show. After some awkward build up Harrison finally makes the big announcement: he is coming back to Silver Screen and Roll…and will also be returning as the full time co-host of Locked on Lakers! Anthony cries for ten minutes, then breaks another microphone.

March 25th

When David Locke signs a huge deal with Under Armour to become the official sponsor of the Locked on Podcast network, a move that effectively doubles all of his host’s income, Anthony does a podcast titled ‘Why Kobe is the Greatest Player of All Time!’ Minutes after the pod drops, fans across the southland can be heard smashing their phones and laughing maniacally.

April 1st

Following the triumphant return of Lonzo Ball, where he posts four straight triple doubles, Anthony openly muses about how great he always knew Ball was going to be.

April 12th

In the last episode before the playoffs begin, Harrison announces that he will be leaving Silver Screen and Roll again, this time for a new basketball website designed exclusively for bearded giraffes. Following the announcement Anthony reaches across the kitchen table and breaks Harrison’s microphone.

April 21st

On a Sunday afternoon where the 4th seeded Lakers finish a first round sweep of the 5th seeded Oklahoma City Thunder, the team suddenly find themselves with a few days off while they wait for Golden State to finish the series. Overcome with glee, co-host Pete Zayas calls Anthony at 3 am and announces that after spending 36 hours straight eating cookie dough and going over video he has finally figured out how the Lakers are going to beat the Warriors. Just before the call ends at 4 am, and after Googling where the championship parade will be, Anthony finally admits that he was thinking the exact same thing.

April 22nd

Before recording that day’s pod, Pete texts Anthony at 11 am saying that he got a little crazy the night before and that they should both never talk about it again. After a few somber nods and a deep sigh, Anthony admits that he was thinking the exact same thing.

May 3rd

During an hour long show celebrating the Lakers incredible, seven game, second round victory over the Warriors, Harrison Faigen suddenly stops by to make a big announcement. He is leaving the bearded giraffe web site and returning to run Silver Screen and Roll. When Anthony points out that he is back just in time to enjoy a potential Lakers title run, Harrison reminds him that as a member of the media he isn’t a fan of any one team and therefore couldn’t care less. Later that night Anthony and Pete plan Harrison’s assassination.

May 20th

The day after the Lakers win the Western Conference by defeating the Houston Rockets, who were playing without an injured Chris Paul, it is announced that Lonzo Ball may miss the NBA Finals due to stiffness in his knees. On a podcast episode titled ‘Playoff Rondo’, Anthony and Harrison discuss what if anything the Lakers could get for Ball in a trade that summer, and how much it is going tol cost to keep Rondo long term.

June 10th

After it turns out that Lonzo’s knee was fine and he leads the team, minus an injured LeBron, past the Boston Celtics to win the NBA title, Anthony hosts a podcast entitled ‘Is Lonzo Ball already the Greatest Laker of All Time?’ Unfortunately, because Harrison has once again left to run a web site for ‘follicle-challenged’ basketball nerds, and all of the other regular co-hosts are either too smashed or too giddy to fill in, Anthony is forced to once again have LaVar Ball join him. When LaVar points out that he’s been telling us all along how "Lonzo don’t need no stinkin’ LeBron to be the best player ever", Anthony sighs, shakes his head, and says he was just thinking the exact same thing.