Bartolo Colon and Juan Soto associations to make you feel old as hell

Unless you are Juan Soto, you are old as hell, those are the rules.

The Nationals had a vacancy on their roster thanks to injuries. Their solution was to call up 19-year-old prospect Juan Soto, who had all of eight games at or above Double-A on his résumé before he played for the Nats on Sunday — Washington thinks the outfielder is ready, so here we go.

Soto is very young! He’s the youngest player in Major League Baseball right now. He’s younger than many, many amateur players who will be drafted by MLB teams in the first week of June. Juan Soto is so young [plant in crowd yells “How young is he?”] that he’s existed on this Earth for less time than Bartolo Colon’s postseason career.

Bartolo Colon’s first-ever playoff appearance came in 1998, against the Red Sox, in the American League Division Series. The Indians put the 24-year-old right-hander — fresh off his first full regular season in the majors — on the mound for Game 3, which Cleveland would win, just like they would the ALDS as a whole.

Juan Soto did not have the chance to see his Dominican countryman topple Boston in the postseason, because Juan Soto was not born yet. His birthday is in 1998, just like this series, but it didn’t come until October 25: Colon’s team had already been ousted from the postseason by the Yankees by that point.

If you feel like stretching this Colon-Soto thing out further, we can. Colon debuted in the majors on April 4, 1997, more than a full 18 months before Soto was born. Colon debuted at 23, four years older than Soto is now. Colon first appeared in the minors in 1994, four full years before Soto was born, and was signed professionally the year before that. Colon has accrued over 19 years of service time in his career, and has appeared in 21 different seasons. Soto, again, is 19 years old. Bartolo Colon is old enough to be Soto’s dad and for everyone to be like, “ah yeah that makes sense, Colon finished college and settled down, he just knew what he wanted in life.”

[remembers Colon hid a secret second family from his first family] hmm maybe that joke should be edited out oh well I’ll let someone else make that decision

Well... at least Juan Soto is older than, uh, Derek Jeter’s second World Series championship? No, never mind, the Yankees finished that series off by October 21 with a sweep of the Padres. You are always finding new ways to disappoint, San Diego.

Wait, I got it: Soto is older than Jeter’s third World Series title. Owned much, Juan Soto?