The Grad Student Hooking Up With a Stranger on a Ski Trip
In this week’s story, a grad student tries to find a boyfriend before her 26th birthday: 25, single, Brooklyn.
DAY ONE
8 a.m. My alarm goes off. I teach yoga three times a week and today is one of those days. My students are lovely but very, very new to yoga. It sort of feels like I’m teaching preschool to a handful of very sweaty adults. Speaking of preschool, I’m also in grad school to be an elementary-school teacher. My mom and sister are both teachers too.
12 p.m. I have a break in between classes so I check my phone. I’m a very active dater. It’s my mission to find a partner by the time I turn 26, and that’s in a few months. I’ve never had a serious boyfriend. I’ve had several flings and a lot of sex, but nothing stuck. Usually I’m the one who loses interest but the last few times, the guys have ghosted me. It’s done a number on my confidence, but there are still enough people trying to date me that I guess I’m probably okay.
4 p.m. I shoot texts back to Max, a cute doctor I’ve been flirting with online but have never met, and Trey, a trainer who is too hot to be true. Maybe not. I’m open-minded. I set up dates with both for this week.
5 p.m. I’m home for the day and showering. My body is tired. I decide that tonight is a sushi night. My roommate wants sushi, too, and I order enough for both of us from my phone. I know Mandy so well that I know her exact order. We’ve been roommates since college. She’s a ceramicist and works from a studio a few blocks away, and yes, her parents help her make rent. Our apartment is beautiful thanks to her works of art, and I’m rooting for her success every day.
7 p.m. Mandy and I are doing what we do best, sitting on the couch, eating dinner, watching reality TV, and swiping online. She’s as pathetically single as I am. Sometimes we match and chat with the same people. It’s kind of hilarious. So far, there’s been no drama. We like the same type of guy too! The thing is, we look very different, so even though we like the same guys, the same guys don’t like us.
10 p.m. I head to bed, feeling satisfied that I’ve locked down a few dates for the week and so has she.
DAY TWO
9 a.m. I have school today, so I’m packing up to go. The commute uptown takes a solid hour so I pack a book, a protein bar, and some gum. I try really hard to use this hour to read or listen to music and not swipe on my phone like a dating zombie.
11 a.m. I make it to campus without having looked at my phone at all. Wow. A record for me!
2 p.m. Quick coffee break in between classes. Now I look at my phone. I’m seeing Max tonight, and he’s suggested a trendy pizza place near my apartment. It’s super obvious that he Googled “sexy date spots in Bushwick,” but it’s okay. I love the restaurant he chose. I hope he’s hot in real life. Judging by his pictures he could go either way.
5 p.m. On the train home, I decide to hop off in Soho, to shop at Zara. Like most girls, I’m into the fact that Max is a doctor. My mother would be thrilled, which is exactly why I’m not telling her about this date. I don’t want to get her hopes up.
6 p.m. I buy a lacy bodysuit that will look great with jeans and a long faux-fur coat.
8 p.m. I barely had time to get ready, but I’m almost at the restaurant. It’s five minutes from my house. Max is getting out of an Uber just as I turn the corner. He is kind of cute, but quite short. I’m not sure … it’s too cold to assess at this point.
9 p.m. Max is extremely funny, smart, and nice. But I’m not sure the attraction is there. I order another glass of wine so that I can feel relaxed enough to kiss him at the end. The kiss, for me, usually says everything.
10 p.m. I’m having a nice enough time to suggest we get a drink after. But Max has to work early in the morning so he’s pretty adamant about going home. I feel a little bit rejected. We hug good-bye, without any sexual sparks, and he leaves.
11 p.m. I go home feeling blah about it all, which is usually what happens these days after a first date. Oh well.
DAY THREE
9 a.m. Wow, I haven’t even had breakfast and there’s already a text from Max about how it was nice to meet me but he didn’t feel the emotional connection. Damn. I didn’t even like him but the rejection feels so aggressive and unnecessary. This is what dating is like for me: a series of meetups and texts that do not feel good. Mandy’s at home when the text comes in. We promise to stay motivated, and keep trying, despite getting kicked in the tits over and over when it comes to love.
11 a.m. At the yoga studio. I’m filling in for another teacher today so I have four classes. Good thing I didn’t have that extra drink last night after all.
1 p.m. I catch up with my mom during a quick break. She lives in Queens and we’re very close. I’m glad I didn’t tell her about the doctor.
4 p.m. On my next break, I text Trey about tomorrow night. He almost instantly gives my text a thumbs up but with no information about where we’re going or what we’re doing. I have one minute before my next class starts so I write to him, “What’s the plan?” Let’s see what he responds …
6 p.m. No response from Trey. He’s probably with clients.
9 p.m. It’s a night of obsessive swiping with Mandy. We’re both on every app possible and hunting for boyfriends like it’s our job. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do if you’re ready for a relationship?
11:30 p.m. I end up texting back and forth with a French guy who’s in the city for work. The Europeans on the apps are the worst — they are all just here for pussy — but they pretend to be normal humans looking for love. Unfortunately for me, this guy has a great personality, and even though I know he just wants ass while he’s in town, the flirty banter is fun. I doubt I’ll meet up with him. One-night stands are not part of my find-a-boyfriend program right now.
DAY FOUR
8 a.m. Wake up and look at my phone. There’s a dick pic from the Frenchie — well, an underwear pic. I’m not impressed. And no response from Trey even though our date was supposed to be tonight. Men are so stupid. I’ll wait for him to propose something, but I’m not texting back.
11 a.m. Mandy and I are going on a ski trip to Vermont this weekend so I have a coffee in between classes and make sure all our plans are settled. We’re staying at a hotel and meeting a few other friends from our college days. Most everyone we’re meeting up with is paired off, but there are two guys coming who I think are single. I honestly can’t remember them from college but I think they’re cute, and I know they both live in Boston. I’d never leave New York, and never leave my family, so I try not to get involved with people who aren’t local.
5 p.m. The school day is over. My brain hurts. No text from Trey. I’m pissed. I could have slotted in someone else tonight.
7:30 p.m. I end up going to a bar alone, not because I want to drink, but because maybe I’ll have a romantic IRL experience.
8 p.m. No one comes into the bar. Literally no one! It’s freezing outside and I guess it’s just an off night.
10 p.m. Home in bed, I block Trey. What a loser. Mandy is on a date and I literally say a prayer hoping it goes well. I want her to find love almost more than I want it for myself.
DAY FIVE
8 a.m. I have to work on some papers for school today, so I set up my laptop at our kitchen table and make a pot of coffee. Mandy never came home last night, but she texted that she was having a great time and not to worry about her. Yay! Can’t wait to hear the story.
2 p.m. I’m messaging with someone on an app named Ira who is cracking me up. He’s telling me all the things wrong with him so we can get that out of the way. He’s like, “I tend to act weird around parents. I’ve blown it with my last two girlfriends’ parents. Please tell me your mom is nonjudgmental.” I tell him I have the sweetest mama in the world. It’s fun chatting with him, but I have to get back to work!
4 p.m. Mandy finally comes home! She’s glowing. Her date last night led to sex and then brunch in the morning and more sex today! She really likes this guy. It’s so scary when you like someone after sleeping with them … it’s like you enter this super-fragile state of mind. Will he call? Was it all a dream? Will you be able to play it cool? She goes to take a long nap while I keep trying to write.
6 p.m. Ira asks what I’m up to tonight. It already is tonight, I tell him! It’s honestly too late for me to get dressed to go out since we’re leaving at 6 a.m. in the morning for the ski trip. I promise him a raincheck.
10 p.m. I’m in bed early. Feeling extra lonely. I never use my vibrator when Mandy is home because as close as we are, I don’t want her to hear the sound of it next door. So I finger myself silently and come pretty quickly, and then I try to sleep.
DAY SIX
6 a.m. Mandy has a car, and we walk to it while half-asleep and freezing cold. The frigid air helps wake us both up. We decide to get coffee in an hour or so, because we’ll need to get gas anyway.
10 a.m. We’re both two coffees in now, and getting deep about life. She’s totally lovestruck by this guy from the other night. He seems really into her too. I hope this one sticks! As for me, I’m at a loss. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I ask Mandy to be super honest with me: Am I pretty? I know I’m fit from all the yoga but maybe my face is, like, busted or something? She literally starts to cry when I ask her that. We both do. She tells me I’m beautiful.
1 p.m. We finally pull into the hotel in Vermont. It’s really charming. I should mention, I don’t ski. But I love ski trips. Whatever!
3 p.m. The Boston group arrives around now. There are ten of us total. This is going to be fun. The two single guys, Emmett and Nick, are both very attractive. We all clock each other as the only single and available-to-hook-up ones. I realize the reason I didn’t remember them from college is because they’re two years older.
9 p.m. After a few hours of outdoor sports (cross-country for some, a short hike for me), we are all at the hotel bar eating burgers and French fries and drinking a lot of wine. It’s cozy. Nick is the one I’m most attracted to, but as we get to know each other, it’s clear that he’s a Boston guy all the way. He works at a law firm with his dad and brother. This won’t work in the long run, but I’m happy to flirt and see what happens.
10:30 p.m. We all turn in to our rooms pretty early since everyone, except me, wants to ski all day tomorrow, and wants to be rested.
DAY SEVEN
9 a.m. Since I’m not skiing, I stay in bed a little longer. I chat with Ira, who is up early for a Barry’s Bootcamp class. We make a date for next week. He picks a great hotel bar, and I already like his style. Every text from him cracks me up, too.
12 p.m. I don’t want to feel like a total loser, so I go into this charming little town in Vermont to shop and browse through a bookstore, and have some wine by myself (and my phone).
2 p.m. Back in the hotel room, I Insta-stalk Nick. I like everything I see. This is a guy I could really fall for. I’ll have to find a way to hook up with him tonight (if he’s into it) without catching feelings. It’s probably an unwise decision, but you only live once, right?
4:30 p.m. Après-ski has begun! Everyone is back at the hotel bar drinking and warming up. I feel silly for having done nothing but shopped and read all day, but I try not to look insecure about it. Nick is buying me drinks and definitely angling for some action tonight.
7 p.m. Everyone’s pretty drunk now. We venture out to a nearby restaurant, but no one can seat a group of ten, so we end up back at our hotel, eating the same burgers, drinking more of their wine. Nicky is being touchy. I’m into it.
8 p.m. Mandy and I have tequila in our room, so somehow Nick and I offer to go get it together. Everyone knows what this is all about. When we get to the room, we start kissing and it’s fucking amazing. I’m dying for this man right now. He fingers me and it’s so good. I could fuck him right here, but he doesn’t have a condom. I don’t mess around with sex without protection. He pushes back a little but isn’t a total asshole about it. The whole thing is a boner killer but we eventually cool ourselves down and go back to the group. To be honest, I already came from him fingering me, so I feel quite satisfied. He’s frustrated, I’m sure, but no condom, no sex.
10 p.m. Everyone is drunk and tired. Nick seems slightly dejected, which strikes me as immature. I didn’t want to catch feelings for him, and I don’t think I will. But it was great to release some sexual tension, at least on my end!
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