FTB: head hunting for a new Department of Player Safety

A half-serious, half-unserious look at how to fix DoPS.

The NHL’s Department of Player Safety has one job, and like most groups that preach law and order, they just do their own thing instead. Based on the events on Monday and following, George Parros needs to go so he can spend more time with his paradox of an apparel company.

That all begs the question of who should replace him. I have a list of candidates, and I can assure you they quickly devolve into silliness.

The Candidates

Brendan Shanahan

Done it before, actually suspended people, stuck his neck out with videos showing how and why the decisions were made. Shanahan did a lot for DoPS that later regimes only stripped away. The Leafs are in good hands and he could do a lot of good at the NHL. He has gravitas.

Kris Versteeg

“Player Safety” is currently exclusively for finding excuses to get abusers off, protecting the culprit, rather than the victim. Kris Versteeg was one of those talented players who knows what it’s like to not be protected. He was failed by the DoPs as a player so who better than him to lead it.

Kadri so he can suspend himself

Whenever DoPS trends, Kadri trends, so you know I had to put this in there.

Claude Loiselle

He was in the running for the gig after Shanahan left (because Shanahan fired him in Toronto). I’m sure he could do great things, just like his time with the Leafs.

Me

Here is my platform:

• Fines and suspensions are deterrents to keep players from doing harmful actions more than once. I’m sure if you ask Travis Konecny, he’ll tell you I have a better grasp of this concept than Parros.
• This sport is dumb and unwatchable when players are told to police themselves (just look at last night’s mess). It creates goons and puts players in even more danger. Just play the damn game. This isn’t MMA or WWE, y’all can watch that in your own time.
• A fight is a game misconduct, not just five minutes in the box. I won’t outlaw them completely, because everyone deserves the chance to beat up Brad Marchand, but that should be the end of your night.
• Records don’t get wiped clean, repeat offenders get suspensions that start in the double digits. Lobby to amend the CBA so fines start with at least four zeros. I want to say five, but CBAs are hard.
• Bubble visors, kevlar skin protection, and neck guards mandatory. What are we, idiots?

Pick Amy, Dummies.

When I watch hockey, I watch for Auston Matthews. When I talk about hockey, I spend 99% of the days in the season and summer talking about Auston Matthews. I feel confident in my team’s ability to win a Stanley Cup because they have Auston Matthews, more than anything else. I’m pretty sure you all agree Auston Matthews makes hockey pretty damn exciting and I would enjoy it far less if he were to have his wrist broken, or have his career cut short due to concussions like many superstars of the past. Protect the players.

Various Leafs and Branches

Maple Leafs sign Kirill Semyonov to a one year ELC | by: Brigstew

Frederik Andersen to Marlies for AHL conditioning stint | by: Hardev

Marlies Catch Up: First impressions of the new prospects | by: Hardev

Leafs’ injury picture coming into focus | by: Kristen Shilton

Maple Leafs’ Tavares believes Wilson crossed a line during scrum with Panarin | by: Sportsnet

So the son of the original New York Rangers owner fired John Davidson and Jeff Gorton, promoting former player Chris Drury as both GM and President.

Mark Messier is also transparently angling himself for a job with the Rangers. He doesn’t have any NHL management experience, but since when has that stopped any former player or son of a friend of a player.

With ESPN and TNT in need of hiring hockey personalities. It sounds like Eddie Olczyk is going to TNT as the top guy, while Ray Ferraro might be joining ESPN as their lead analyst. ESPN owns 30% of TSN so I’m sure there could be some arrangement to have him work in both countries (NHL and WJC?).