‘The Bachelorette’ Week 8: Hometowns, hockey rinks and TIA-COLTON DRAMA

Becca’s on a tour of her suitors’ hometowns in this week’s episode.

Welcome back to another week of action in Becca’s season of The Bachelorette. As a reminder, The Bachelorette is definitely sports, and I’ll hear no arguments to the contrary.

Last night some heavy hitters had a chance to impress in front of their hometowns. No, I’m not talking about Bryce Harper and the Home Run Derby... IT WAS HOMETOWN WEEK ON THE BACHELORETTE!

In case you missed last week’s adventures in the Bahamas, catch up here.

GARRETT’S HOMETOWN:

We kick off the week’s action in Manteca, California at Garrett’s family farm. They start the date by planting tomatoes from the back of a tractor with a super cool attachment that puts the seedling in the ground. Becca initiates a make out session with Garrett on the back of this contraption, and all I can think about are the tomatoes that aren’t getting planted and how someone else will have to go back and fix their shoddy work.

Look at Becca’s line of tomato plants one singular planted tomato on the right... that’s just terrible.

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After a ride on a tractor, Garrett leads Becca to a hole he’s dug and tells her they’re planting a rose bush so he can give her roses forever after all the roses she has given him and I’m... potentially openly weeping.

Garrett shares that the last woman he brought home to meet his family was his emotionally abusive ex-wife, so really the bar couldn’t be lower for Becca.

At Garrett’s house, Becca meets his mom and dad, his big sister, brother and a few other assorted family members. Garrett’s mom Barbara is not one to be trifled with, that much is clear. The overarching theme of every conversation (Allison and Garrett, Becca and Pops, Barbara and Becca) is that no one wants to see Garrett get hurt again.

Garrett’s dad drinking wine is me, not wanting to hear your bullshit:

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Much like all of Garrett and Becca’s dates, everything is bland and they seem to make a good couple, so there are not many disagreements or any drama. His family gives their blessing for him to be engaged to Becca (which is a thing?), and there’s no way he doesn’t make it to the final episode. PLACE YOUR BETS NOW*

*please do not bet on this I have no idea what I’m doing and will not be held responsible if you lose your life savings

JASON’S HOMETOWN:

Next up, we head to Buffalo, New York where Jason is wearing an outrageous amount of outerwear. He’s got a henley type tee under a ³⁄₄ zip under a popped collar coat, with a scarf just kind of hanging there. What’s going on here, Jason?

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Jason takes Becca to the Anchor Bar, the home of the buffalo chicken wing, where he makes her participate in a one-minute wing-eating contest. She stands absolutely no chance as she spends most of it laughing while these serious competitors crushes chicken appendages:

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After housing some wings they head to an ice rink to play hockey, because who doesn’t want to skate after eating a ton of chicken? Jason goes in HARD on a hockey-relationship comparison before he uses the age-old “if I score, you owe me a kiss” schtick. They make out a ton, and I’d just like to take a minute to show some support for this poor soul that had to drive them around the rink on his Zamboni WHILE THEY MADE OUT ON THE HOOD:

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Jason’s mom, dad, brother, and brother-in-law join them for dinner at his parents’ house, and they are all smitten with Becca. He realizes he’s in love with Becca (as much as anyone can be on an extended vacation with several other men and ABC footing the bill) and decides to tell her so as the snow beings to fall.

Kinda romantic, tbh.

BLAKE’S HOMETOWN

We’re in Bailey, Colorado, and it’s by far my favorite as they’re in a complete winter wonderland.

Blake told Becca last week in the Bahamas that he was in love with her, and Becca tells us that the feelings are reciprocated. Umm, that’s kind of huge.

He takes her to his high school, a place that shaped him as a person in a profound way. In his senior year, Blake’s school was victimized by a school shooter. It’s an extremely heavy moment, but after sharing some of what makes him Blake, he takes her into the auditorium where there’s a packed house. He somehow flipped the small concert tables, getting Becca’s favorite artist Betty Who to perform.

Like, legit favorite artist. Look at this reaction from Becca:

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Blake takes Becca to meet his mom, dad, step-dad, and assorted other family members. Mom Shelly pulls him aside with her glass of red wine (shoutout Shelly) and gives him this face when he tells her that he’s already told Becca he loves her:

She’s supportive of their relationship, and keeps the night’s theme of “I just want you to be happy” going with her blessing. Pops feels the same, but offers up caution about the potential of getting crushed if he’s not picked. Shoutout Poppa Blake for pointing out the fact that living in the real world is much more difficult than being flown around to luxury hotels for extravagant dates.

Shelly sat down with Becca next, and wait... what’s that? A GLASS OF WHITE WINE? Boss move switching up mid-evening. Is Shelly wine-hangover proof? I need to know more about this.

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At the end of the evening, Blake re-iterates that he is in love with Becca, and she is clearly smitten.

COLTON’S HOMETOWN

Becca stays in Colorado, heading to Parker to see Colton (lol that’s like ²⁄₃ the starting attack of a lacrosse team). THEY’RE GOING SHOPPING FOR TOYS TO TAKE TO KIDS AT THE CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL

[whispers] Colton, if this whole Becca thing doesn’t pan out, I’ll marry you.

At the Children’s Hospital, they meet Kaley and Caleb, two unbelievably adorable children. See ya, farmer and wing-eating dates... y’all are lame. Colton is fantastic with the kids and my heart is exploding.

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It’s a straight up family reunion at Colton’s house as approximately 45 people are there for dinner. Colton and his Jacked Dad Scott chat a lil bit, who then sits down with Becca. Jacked Dad Scott pulls no punches. He asks Becca if she has talked about or addressed her own issues with Arie, something that is 100 percent a fair question. As she’s gotten to know the guys, she’s expressed concern over whether Garrett is over his ex-wife or if Colton’s relationship inexperience is a problem (also 100 percent fair).

Jacked Dad Scott tells Becca that he’d rather she not pick him this week if she doesn’t think he’s THE ONE, but despite ABC’s dramatic editing, that’s a pretty sensible feeling. Break his heart now, not three weeks from now as he’s on one knee in front of all of America.

After dinner/interrogation/conversations between his mom and his girlfriend about his sexual history, Colton tells Becca he’s in love with her.

THE ROSE CEREMONY:

Back in LA, Becca takes some time out to chat with her friends to create unnecessary Tia-Colton drama help her make a decision. Bekah, Tia, Seinne, Kendall and Caroline are back to listen to her describe the four hometown dates.

She’s obviously head over heels with Garrett, but calls Jason the best kisser. Good news for Jason as I don’t think he’s winning this thing, so now his smooching prowess has been shared publicly. Becca describes her time with Colton, and Tia looks absolutely nauseated:

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Tia interrupts to ask to talk to Becca privately RIGHT THAT SECOND so that she can tell her that she still has feelings for Colton. Honestly, it’s all super unfair and kind of a terrible move. Using honesty as a shield for raining on Becca’s parade is bullshit. You had a chance, you missed it, you told Becca you were totes ok with everything, and your lingering feelings are your problem, not hers. She just met his family and he just said he loved her, so Becca shouldn’t be pressured to break up with him because you feel “sick to your stomach” when you see them together.

Me, listening to Tia’s bullshit:

The guys show up for the Rose Ceremony, and I’m extremely pleased that Blake has decided to dress like a penguin:

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Colton broaches the subject of what happens in the Fantasy Suites with Chris Harrison, and surrogate father Chris Harrison offers up some solid advice about making sure that no matter what, Colton and Becca need to be on the same page.

Blake gets the first rose, followed by Jason, leaving Colton and Garrett to sweat it out.

Garrett gets the final rose, leaving sweet, handsome Colton to wonder what went wrong. Ugh, I just want to give him a hug. Becca tells him what his dad said about dragging him along another week if it wasn’t there, but she chooses to omit the revelation from Tia.

Next week, the men battle for a spot in the final two as they have a chance to show their more physical skills in the Fantasy Suite.

SEE YOU THEN.