Francis Ngannou: PFL title win proved 'I still have it,' but 'a lifetime wouldn't be enough to grieve' son's death

RIYADH, Saudi Arabia – Francis Ngannou will never be able to fully cope with the tragic death of his 15-month-old son Kobe, but his victory at PFL: Battle of the Giants was a small aid in his healing process.

Ngannou (18-3) came into Saturday’s inaugural heavyweight superfight title clash with Renan Ferreira (13-4) with many questions around him. In addition to the weight of an unthinkable personal loss, it was also his first MMA fight in 1,000 days, and came seven months after his brutal knockout loss to Anthony Joshua in boxing.

He came out and took Ferreira down in the first round and battered him with ground strikes for the TKO finish, and afterward the emotions poured out in the cage.

“They’ve been telling me I’m tough to the point where I think I’m tough – and I recently just found out I wasn’t tough,” Ngannou told MMA Junkie and other reporters post-fight. “I wasn’t that tough. Life can let you take the events and think you’re running away, and then it hits you really bad from the front. It’s something that I never imagined. I never knew how I would feel. I see people going through and out of compassion I tried to understand how they must feel. But I would never get anywhere close to how it feels exactly.”

For all the questions about him externally, Ngannou admits he had doubts about himself internally. He didn’t know how he would deal with returning to the spotlight and having to answer endless questions about his situation, and said those thoughts were even running through his mind on fight day.

Ngannou proved he’s still a serious threat inside the cage, though, and that answered a lot for him.

“It was hard,” Ngannou said. “It was one of those things where you ask yourself, ‘Is it ever going to be over?’ It might never be over. You might as well just learn how to roll with it, how to live with it. In certain cases, I would take time to breathe, but how long would that take? I don’t think there’s enough time for me to do that. I don’t think a lifetime wouldn’t be enough to grieve. So is it just about keeping going. It’s a new way of living that I have to learn.

“Unfortunately, (the win) doesn’t take my challenge away. My challenge is still there. It was my big challenge. My biggest challenge in the way that I wasn’t the person that I used to be coming into this fight. This fight for me was always a way to find out if I can still fight, if I still have it. If I can deal with this. With the pressure, with the fight week, with media and everything. We got through. I think it might take some time to process things.”

Ngannou said the circumstances around the fight makes the result and title victory more meaningful than his UFC championship win. Although it wasn’t the stand-up war some expected, Ngannou said he knew he was a more complete fighter than Ferreira and took the path of least resistance to get his hand raised.

“I could’ve tried to stay in striking and figure out who can box better than who,” Ngannou said. “But at the end of the day, it’s about the win. Even though he has good jiu-jitsu, I know I have good enough wrestling to control his jiu-jitsu and his position on the ground if I’m on top.”

For more on the card, visit MMA Junkie’s event hub for PFL: Battle of the Giants.