11 ways to cope with a Celtics championship and still be a Boston hater

You can still hate Boston, even after a championship.

It’s a rough morning for Boston sports haters everywhere, because the city has done it again. Endlessly blessed across every major sport, fans in New England get to celebrate championships with the same frequency as the McRib returning.

But even a joyous, championship win shouldn’t dissuade you from being a Boston hater. Hating Boston is a 365-day job, and just because they’re happy means you need to take a break from trying to remind them that there are some things that are still miserable.

11 things to tell Boston sports fans today and remain a hater

• The Red Sox are 11.5 games behind the Yankees
• The Bruins got whomped by the Panthers in the NHL playoffs
• The New England Revolution are the worst team in MLS
• The Patriots haven’t had a winning season since 2021
• The Boston Cannons lost 19-11 to New York in Premier League Lacrosse this season

Okay this is getting difficult ...

• Y’all don’t even HAVE a team in Major League Cricket! Peasants
• Drake Maye could be a bust! (but he probably won’t, because we actually like Drake Maye a lot and dammit, the Patriots have him and will probably win with him.)
• Boston College finished 9th in the ACC in football! Losers lol

Oh god, Boston is just really really good at sports

• Remember when Boston College lost to UNLV in March Madness? What an embarrassment!
• Jaylen Brown is still the worst dunk contest winner of all time
• Dunkin’ Donuts is the most consistently mediocre fast-food meant for babies who don’t like the taste of coffee, but enjoy the flavor of cardboard sandwiches and donuts. I know this isn’t sport-related, but I have to fight dirty because y’all are too good at sports.