Meet the rosters of C-list celebrities two WNBA legends have to coach

Poor Dawn Staley and Sue Bird.

Nothing kicks off NBA All-Star Weekend like the Friday night event that is the Celebrity All-Star Game. The event, which takes place on ESPN at 7 p.m., is a nice filler before the Rising Stars game later in the night.

The team names this year are cleverly named “Home” and “Away” so kudos to that idea. That said, with the game in Charlotte, the Home team will be made up of celebrities with Carolina roots, so the names are at least somewhat accurate.

Let’s figure out who these people are.

Home Team

Coach - Dawn Staley: Look, if this team doesn’t play well for the legend Dawn Staley, we are going to have some problems. She’s a 3-time Olympic Gold Medalist, 6-time WNBA All-Star, and just an absolute legend. As the current coach of the South Carolina women’s basketball team, I can’t believe the Celebrity game was lucky enough to snag her.

Please, team of random celebrities. Show some respect.

Mike Colter - IT’S LUKE FREAKING CAGE!

Chris Daughtry - Famously from Season 5 of American Idol, where Taylor Hicks somehow beat out legitimate stars like Katherine McPhee, Elliott Yamin, and Daughtry. He sings a ton of songs on the radio that I know you know. Like, “Over You” or “It’s Not Over.”

More hits than Taylor freaking Hicks.

Getty Images for NASCAR

Terrence J - Former host of “106 & Park” and co-host of “E! News.”

Famous Los - He’s a comedian with a million Instagram followers who makes a ton of funny basketball-related videos. I think he might be decent at basketball?

Dr. Oz - You either know who he is or you don’t. You weren’t coming here to find out who Dr. Oz is.

Rapsody - She’s a rapper from North Carolina, and from what I can tell is a big Sheryl Swoopes fan, so that’s pretty cool!

Bo Rinehart - I really thought this was Bo Bice, but it is not. It’s Bo Rineheart from the band NEEDTOBREATHE.

JB Smoove - Def Comedy Jam! Curb Your Enthusiasm! The Millers! He was also in Uncle Drew, if you saw that masterpiece of a movie last summer.

Steve Smith - He recently retired after 16 seasons in the NFL.

A’ja Wilson - The WNBA Rookie of the Year is a legend already. I hope she drops 50 and wins MVP.

Jay Williams - He went to Duke to play basketball.

Jason Weinmann - Weinmann is the first of two hometown heroes playing in the game. Weinmann rescued North Carolina flood victims during Hurricane Florence.

Away Team

Coach - Sue Bird: The best part about this game is that we are getting a coaching matchup between Sue Bird and Dawn Staley. I honestly don’t care about the actual basketball. I hope we get a camera and a live mic on these two for the entire game.

If for some reason you don’t know who Sue Bird is, I guess I’ll help you out. SHE IS THE GOAT. She’s a 3-time WNBA champion, most recently in 2018. She’s currently a member of the Denver Nuggets front office, but will be back with the Storm for the 2019 WNBA season. She’s also a 4-time Olympic Gold Medalist, 11-time WNBA All-Star, and two-time NCAA Champion.

THE GOAT, I TELL YOU.

Ronnie 2K - Ronnie is the face of the hugely popular NBA 2K video game. He’s technically 2K’s Marketing Director, but Ronnie is the guy NBA players tweet at when they think their rating in the video game is too low.

Getty Images for NBA 2K

Ray Allen - He once played basketball in the NBA for some period of time.

AJ Buckley - Buckley apparently has been on CSI and currently is an actor on the TV show “Seal Team.” I have never heard or seen this man in my life.

Bad Bunny - If you’ve heard any popular music in the past year, you’ve heard Bad Bunny. Specifically, this song.

Stefanie Dolson - I don’t understand why the NBA puts world-class female athletes in the same game as a bunch of celebrities who can barely dribble, but I’m still glad they’re represented, I suppose. Dolson plays for the WNBA’s Chicago Sky.

Marc Lasry - He’s the co-owner of the Bucks! Good luck keeping Giannis!

Hasan Minhaj - He’s the guy on Netflix’s Patriot Act.

Quavo - THAT’S REIGNING NBA CELEBRITY GAME MVP QUAVO TO YOU. You probably know him better as part of Migos, but he’s an incredible athlete and I’m sure he’s playing very well as you read this.

Adam Ray - He’s apparently a comedian? I have no idea who this man is.

Amanda Seales - Her stage name is Amanda Diva. That’s the most I know.

James Shaw Jr. - Shaw is the hero who took an AR-15 from a gunman at a Tennessee Waffle House.

Brad Williams - Williams is a stand-up comedian who also has a podcast called “About Last Night.”

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